*Reposted as a timely #ThrowBack article (originally posted in 2016)* Washington, D.C. — He says he would have prevented the 9/11 attacks, he’s criticized Senator John McCain for being captured during the Vietnam War, and presidential republican nominee Donald Trump shows no signs of backing down, as Trump yesterday blasted all Iraq war veterans as “a bunch of pussies...
Looking to limit devastation caused by Antifa and other vandals and arsonists, Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler announced that the city will resume controlled burns of properties in the downtown business district. Since the beginning of riot season, the abundance of flammable material such as cars, homes, and shops has contributed to out-of-control arson and vandalism throughout the city. Portland officials...
Though ISIS has never been linked to a violent attack in the United States, “mostly peaceful” ISIS affiliates have begun demonstrating in cities across the US, including Seattle and Portland, where law enforcement officials have agreed to stand down. Their demands are clear and their strategy effective. Masked protestors dressed in black have been rushing into restaurants en masse to...
Trump went on Fox News this week to say that dark shadowy people are controlling Joe Biden and the election, which not only solidified his voting base of elderly Germans hiding out in Argentina, but also awarded him the Crufts International Award for “Most Impressive Dog Whistle.” Although this award usually goes to physical whistles for attracting dogs, Crufts adjudicators...
This week as Mike Pompeo announced that he would be tuning into the Republican National Convention (RNC) from Jerusalem to win over the Evangelical Messianic Jewish vote, some said he was not taking Jared’s peace “plan” seriously enough, so the party decided instead to double down and host the entire event in, what they’re calling, Judea and Samaria. Although almost...
Calling it a travesty that the 30-year-old Congresswoman was given just one minute to speak at the Democratic convention, Republican National Committee Chair Ronna McDaniel has offered Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a three-hour slot at the upcoming GOP convention. McDaniel said that it is “crucially important” for voters to hear Ocasio-Cortez’s political positions and worldview given AOC’s role in shaping the...
After claiming victory in a competitive primary with 57% of the vote, Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar said she is happy to learn that Jews’ mind control is only effective on roughly 40% of voters. “I knew that everyone in my district loves me and wanted to vote for me, but I was really worried that the Jews – I mean,...
While swearing in before a testimony has traditionally been done on a copy of the Old or New Testament in the United States, there is no law that requires it. Last week, during the House Judiciary Committee hearing, Democrats insisted Attorney General William Barr swear in on a copy of Robin DiAngelo’s bestselling self-help book, White Fragility. Radical young Congresswoman,...
While It seems like the United States is handling the coronavirus pandemic about as well as a Parkinson’s patient in a minefield, a Pentagon source says that this might be more intentional than the public was originally led to believe. According to a source at the Pentagon, it’s part of America’s new cutting-edge counter-terrorism policy: The terrorists can’t destroy America...
As Americans put social distancing on hold to celebrate the 244th anniversary of its independence with illegal barbeques at forbidden gatherings due to the novel coronavirus, rage in the United Kingdom set in as the British mark what they called the “Proper Mess,” British for ‘catastrophe‘. Peaceful protests against the United States’ independence turned violent, as clashes broke out between NATO...
The latest public reckoning around racist, or as academia calls them “controversial,” figures befell Princeton University this weekend as activists pushed for the removal of Woodrow Wilson’s name from the School of International Affairs. In a surprise move the administration agreed with the students, stating that the name “International Affairs” is outdated and should be replaced with something more representative...
CHOP (Capitol Hill Occupied Protest), formerly known as CHAZ (Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone) condemned itself after realizing that its new acronym constitutes cultural appropriation – CHOP for chopsticks – and also a subtle form of racism, as the name indicates a preference for Chinese food. To prevent more emotional damage, CHOP immediately went back to calling itself CHAZ and released...
After facing mounting pressure from members of the organization ‘Suddenly Every Stone Offends Me’, New York City has decided to tear down and return “racist” Lady Liberty to France. The dramatic decision comes after numerous statues were vandalized recently in the US and Europe. Newly minted assistant professor of Diverse and Inclusive Statues and Artwork at Columbia University, Ms. Lailah...
Syrian President Bashar Assad has offered his own country’s police force to train US law enforcement after experts said that it is “woefully undertrained” on using force. Assad, who has a soft spot for minorities, and their rights, spoke to The Mideast Beast about his concerns for America’s future. “It’s very crucial that US authorities quickly restore law and order,...
Calling the recent US trend of angry mobs destroying statues “inspiring but a bit amateur,” leaders of ISIS and the Taliban have agreed to send advisors to Antifa and other far left groups on how to erase historical artifacts. “Destroying all art, culture and history from previous eras is obviously constructive,” said ISIS leader Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi. “But they’ve got...
Starting tomorrow NASCAR drivers will no longer be allowed to wear the white pointed hoods of the Ku-Klux-Klan to work. The decision was announced yesterday by the racing company’s CEO Jim France. The ban comes amidst a moment of reckoning over racism and white supremacy in the United States, and has upset many NASCAR fans and drivers. Jason Beans, a...
Following the recent escalation of sectarian rifts in Seattle, Washington, the US Department of State issued a “Mideast level” travel advisory warning to the liberal-tech hub. “American citizens should use extreme caution and if possible avoid all travel to Seattle for the foreseeable future”, read the State Department memo. At a briefing to reporters a spokesperson said that Washington state’s...
Retired General and former US Secretary of State Colin Powell, who recently told CNN that President Donald Trump “lies all the time”, stressed, “I miss the days when America had an honest president who did not lie, like about Iraqi weapons of mass destruction and stuff like that.” Full of nostalgia, an emotional Powell spoke to The Mideast Beast. “There...
In a move that could be attributed to humanitarianism, but most likely stems from a ‘how’s it feel, asshole?!’ level of spite, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei of Iran has issued a statement condemning President Trump’s use of excessive force to quash peaceful protestors. “I just can’t believe,” he began condescendingly, “That in this day and age, a so-called democratic leader would...
With staff at The New York Times in revolt and the editorial page editor leaving his position over the decision to publish an op-ed by a Republican senator, Taliban deputy leader Sirajuddin Haqqani said he is deeply offended that his own column just months earlier engendered no such response. “We helped Osama bin Laden carry out 9/11, then spent 20...
