Tesla, the US electric vehicle company has been chosen “most environmentally-friendly Jihad vehicle 2020” by ecologically-driven Jihadists worldwide.
Tesla CEO Elon Musk spoke to The Mideast Beast from the company’s Palo Alto headquarters.
“I’m really moved by the gesture and it proves I was right to reopen Tesla’s California plant. Whether you drive on the right or the left side of the road or simply prefer ramming your precious car into infidels on pavements and in market places, Tesla is your natural environmentally-friendly partner. We are proud to offer an inclusive post-martyrdom hand sanitizer as a bonus.”
Berkeley professor Hassan Abu Greenfinger, the author of the bestselling book, Sustainable Eco-Jihad, spoke to The Mideast Beast from the annual ISIS Vehicle Ramming Convention somewhere on the blurred Syrian-Iraqi border.
“Tesla is the most environmentally-friendly Jihad martyrdom on wheels since camels went out of fashion. Instead of sponsoring the corrupt petrol-exporting Saudis, it’s much more considerate towards nature to use Tesla’s rechargeable batteries.”
Abu Greenfinger dispelled many Western myths about vehicular Jihadists. “Racist Westerners believe that car martyrs are medieval monsters bent on ramming cars into infidels in Christmas markets and pedestrian streets. In reality, vehicular Islamists are sensitive and progressive creatures, mainly driven by concern for protecting nature from infidel pollution. How is that not obvious?”
Mohammed al-Rashidi, ISIS’s chief vehicular Jihad test driver agreed. “ISIS, Hamas, Hezbollah and al-Qaida are the true founders of militant Greenpeace. If necessary, we will eliminate all infidel carbon footprints to preserve the future of our precious Caliphate Jungle Planet.”