Iran’s supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei has decided to “embrace a simple Amish lifestyle free from Zionist technology.” The decision comes after Iran’s parliament unanimously passed a resolution banning any use of Israeli technology as a “crime against God.”
Since Israeli technology is found in everything from laptops to smartphones, Iran’s supreme leader spoke to The Mideast Beast inside a 100 percent Zionist-free desert cave, accessible only by a camel taxi.
“Allah told me to reconnect with my inner Amish pacifist soul. Like the Amish people in America, I have always craved to be free from poisonous Zionist-infused modern technologies. For purely sentimental reasons, I will keep Iran’s nuclear program and its long range missile capabilities, naturally only for peaceful purposes.”
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Khamenei explained why the Amish lifestyle is a perfect fit for Iran’s ayatollahs.
“We Jihad-Amish tribes hate violence and like to sport beards that would make the illegal Zionist settler Jesus full of envy. Like our American Amish cousins, ayatollahs protect their kids from curses of modern-day life such as PlayStations, music concerts, science, gays and transgender squatters. Since ayatollahs are gentlemen who believe in complete gender equality, we are proud to let our pregnant women work 12 hours a day while we men relax from an exhausting day of smoking water pipes and firing Kalashnikovs at invisible Zionist invaders.”
Meanwhile, Israel is reportedly considering encouraging its own radical Jewish black-clad bearded Amish folks to emigrate to the Holy Land of Pennsylvania.