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Biden Launches OnlyFans Account to Pay Off National Debt

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Looking for new sources of revenue to counteract trillions in Covid-related stimulus spending, President-elect Joe Biden has joined OnlyFans and plans to offer followers exclusive access to risqué content for $50 a month.

Biden said he first learned about the site from former congressman Anthony Weiner, who reached out to Biden asking to borrow $120 to follow porn star Riley Reid.

“All this stimulus spending has left us a few bucks short on the old ledger, so I’ve been looking for a way to make Uncle Sam some greenbacks on the side,” Biden told The Mideast Beast. “If I knew people would fork over wads of cash just to watch me talk on camera, I could have paid off the debt when Obama was running things.”

Biden originally planned on posting videos talking about his childhood in Scranton, Pennsylvania, his Dogs Major and Champ, and his love of riding Amtrak trains to and from Washington DC. But aides informed him that OnlyFans is primarily used for explicitly sexual content, saying paid subscribers will be expecting more than wistful musings from his childhood.

“This is a bit more than I bargained for, but this debt has got us into a real pickle and it seems like this OnlyFans site is the way out of it,” Biden said. “Now I’m not going to be waving around my pecker or the like, but if the ladies want me to put on the old letterman jacket and do push-ups for the camera, well, I guess that’s what I’ll have to do to earn those big bucks.”

As of press time, Biden’s account had just one subscriber, MelaniaT69.

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