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Mideast Expert Greta Thunberg to Host CNN Special on Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Mideast Expert Greta Thunberg to Host CNN Special on Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Looking to end the longstanding Israeli-Palestinian conflict once and for all, CNN will give climate change activist and Middle East expert Greta Thunberg an hour of airtime to lay out her peace plan. The network announced that the Special, which will air next week during prime time, will follow her appearance on an expert panel discussing COVID-19. Although she has...

Saudi Men Tired of Being Treated Like Saudi Women

Saudi Men Tired of Being Treated Like Saudi Women

The coronavirus pandemic has forced much of the world to re-think their social interactions; this has proven more difficult for some countries, especially the ones that haven’t changed the way their societies conduct themselves for several hundred years. In the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, men are complaining that since government restrictions were put in place, they have felt trapped and...

Evangelicals confirm Elon Musk’s Son is not the Second Coming

Evangelicals confirm Elon Musk’s Son is not the Second Coming

In a rare unified statement from global Evangelical faith leaders, they announced to followers and heathens alike that Elon Musk’s son is absolutely not the Second Coming of Christ. Despite principally believing that anybody anywhere could carry The Good News, bringing mankind redemption before God, they decided at a faith meeting last week to amend these core tenants to exclude...

Hamas and Fatah Mediate Peace between Trump and Obama

Hamas and Fatah Mediate Peace between Trump and Obama

A joint Hamas-Fatah delegation is heading to the US to mediate peace between President Donald Trump and former President Barack Obama. The Hamas-Fatah peace initiative comes at a time of tense social distancing between Trump and Obama on controversial issues such as the handling of Covid-19, swine flu, and “Obamagate”. Senior Fatah peace negotiator Saeb Erekat spoke to The Mideast...

Assad: Defenestration of Russian Doctors “Brings Back Nostalgic Memories”

Assad: Defenestration of Russian Doctors “Brings Back Nostalgic Memories”

At least three doctors have mysteriously fallen out of hospital windows in Russia recently with two of them dying from their injuries. The doctors had been critical of Russia’s handling of the coronavirus and had spoken out about Russia’s lack of preparedness and PPE shortages. One of the doctors had reportedly been forced to work by the hospital, despite being...

Mel Gibson Transitions in Aim to Become ‘Miss Hitler 2020’
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Mel Gibson Transitions in Aim to Become ‘Miss Hitler 2020’

Actor and director Mel Gibson announced that she has transitioned and now identifies as a woman, a move that came a day before Gibson declared her candidacy in the controversial “Miss Hitler 2020” pageant. “I’ve always kept the real me buried deep inside, but it’s time to stop hiding and let my spirit shine,” said Gibson, who will now go...

Roger Waters: Zionists Rubbed Their Balls on My New N95 Mask

Roger Waters: Zionists Rubbed Their Balls on My New N95 Mask

Roger Waters claimed recently that members of Israel’s intelligence service, Mossad, broke into his house in order to harass him for his anti-Israel stances. Waters took to YouTube to claim that the Zionist regime was trying to terrorize him by breaking into his home and rubbing their balls on his protective mask. This wouldn’t be the first time that Mossad...

North Korea’s Kim Jong-un Chosen “Sexiest Despot Alive”, Again

North Korea’s Kim Jong-un Chosen “Sexiest Despot Alive”, Again

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has won the People Magazine’s highly coveted title “Sexiest Despot Alive” once again. Jong-un narrowly missed the competition due to rumors that he faked his death to avoid Trump’s phone calls. “It was a well-deserved victory and the world narrowly avoided World War III”, the obesely hot North Korean dictator told The Mideast Beast. Unsurprisingly,...

Boris Extends VE Day Nostalgia Trip by Offering to Re-incorporate The Middle East into The British Empire

Boris Extends VE Day Nostalgia Trip by Offering to Re-incorporate The Middle East into The British Empire

Last Friday British citizens enjoyed a second of calm and nostalgia amid the Coronavirus crisis as they celebrated the anniversary of Victory in Europe. Never failing to capitalise on national pride, Boris Johnson suggested an extension of last Friday’s 1945-shaped distraction through revitalising what made Britain truly powerful: its empire. Starting with The Middle East. According to sources close to...

New Yorkers Invade Israel, Entire Mideast Placed in Quarantine

New Yorkers Invade Israel, Entire Mideast Placed in Quarantine

Israel is facing an invasion by New York immigrants who could potentially be tested positive for both Jewishness and COVID-19. As a result, the entire Middle East has been placed in self-imposed quarantine. The Jewish Agency, the authority responsible for immigration to Israel, issued grim statistics showing a 50-percentage increase in applications among New Yorkers seeking to move to Israel...

Trump: I Built the China Wall, Corona-Commies Paid for It

Trump: I Built the China Wall, Corona-Commies Paid for It

Seeking to calm Americans, President Trump modestly declared, “The pandemic is history. I built a huge Wall of China and made the corona-commies pay for it.” Trump’s statement comes at a time of strained US-Chinese relations. The Mideast Beast spoke to President Trump in an exclusive interview. “To be honest, the coronavirus assault on America is worse than Pearl Harbor,...

Uptick in UFO Sightings and Cannabis Consumption as COVID-19 Quarantine Continues

Uptick in UFO Sightings and Cannabis Consumption as COVID-19 Quarantine Continues

The Great Coronavirus Quarantine of 2020 has had a variety of side effects. Some have been negative, which was to be expected. For example, a rise in unemployment and domestic violence. Others have been positive, like the massive reduction in carbon emissions and increased sales and consumption of medical cannabis. Since the mandatory lockdown began in countries around the world,...

Sanders Proposes Plan to Restart Economy by September 2032
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Sanders Proposes Plan to Restart Economy by September 2032

US Senator Bernie Sanders proposed a new plan to restart the US economy by September 2032. It is currently in the meltdown phase, suffering from a massive recession as a result of the COVID-19 lockdown. “Look, everyone needs a break,” shouted Sanders in a statement. “Give it 11 or 12 years. We’ll know that the pandemic is over, everyone will...

Kim Admits He Faked Death to Avoid Trump’s Calls

Kim Admits He Faked Death to Avoid Trump’s Calls

A week after appearing in public and ending days of speculation over his possible death, North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un now acknowledges he disappeared to get away from the constant barrage of calls and love letters coming from US President Donald Trump. “Honestly, it was just getting overwhelming,” Kim told The Mideast Beast. “He was constantly calling me, texting...

Polarized Americans Being Urged to ‘Stick to their Bubble”
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Polarized Americans Being Urged to ‘Stick to their Bubble”

As countries throughout the world try to develop an effective strategy for resuming normal operations amidst the COVID-19 Pandemic, the United States continues to be the epicenter for both the disease and the polarization resulting from it. One popular theory is that Americans can reduce their exposure to new diseases and information by keeping within their social “bubble.”  Experts say...

Hezbollah Outlaws ”Jew-Loving” Germany

Hezbollah Outlaws ”Jew-Loving” Germany

Hezbollah, Lebanon’s Jihad Boy Scouts have outlawed “Jew-loving” Germany. The response comes after Germany decided to outlaw all of Hezbollah, including its political wing. Hezbollah, which constitutes an integral part of Lebanon’s government, publicly flogged Germany’s ambassador and promptly expelled him from Lebanon with Iran’s militant Mahan Air, COVID-19’s favorite airline. Hezbollah’s outraged chief Hassan ‘Man-Tits’ Nasrallah spoke to The...