The United Nations General Assembly issued a resolution Tuesday condemning Israeli farmers for damaging Palestinian incendiary balloons (or ‘terror balloons’), which Gazan militants have been sending over the border – along with the occasional rocket salvo – into southern Israel, causing millions of dollars in damages to Israel’s agricultural economy. According to the United Nations, the balloons are sometimes damaged...
In the wake of Israel-Hamas ceasefire talks, Hamas has admitted that they never really understood the definition of ‘ceasefire’. “We always thought that it meant ‘say you’ll stop but carry on launching rockets as usual'”, one spokesman for the Gaza-based Islamist group admitted. “You see, we weren’t really paying attention in the first negotiation meeting years ago and we’ve been...
Despite the ongoing pandemic, Gay Pride marches are set to take place around the globe in just over a month and a half. However, observers have expressed surprise and scepticism at a recent poll which crowned Mecca as the gay-friendly capital of the world. Despite the recent moves towards liberalization within the Kingdom itself, numerous human rights organizations have cast...
In the wake of the free-fall of the Turkish Lira which prompted the administration to blame Israel for the economic collapse, Erdogan himself has indulged in a conspiracy theory in which he has blamed the Jews for his receding hairline. “Many say that the biggest catastrophe facing our nation is the collapse of our currency, but that is a mistake....
In a public relations effort, ISIS has taken the opportunity to comment on the widespread international outrage regarding the separation of families by US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). “We may not be the most popular guys as far as global infidels are concerned, what with all the genocidal intent, terrorism, human rights abuses and so on”, a ISIS spokesperson...
A new academic study has suggested that Middle East conflicts may never come to an end because the warring sides all have incompatible love languages. “The primary Palestinian love language is physical touch, you see, whereas Israel’s is receiving gifts. This has caused all sorts of problems”, the author of the ground-breaking study writes. “In recent years, Palestinians have really...
Following Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s speech to the United Nations revealing the discovery of a ‘secret atomic warehouse’ in Tehran, the Iranian authorities have claimed that the facility was just a very large Persian rug factory. “You know, you need lots of security to protect rugs. Armed guards, barbed wire, electronic sensors and so on. You’ve all seen Aladdin....
Celebrations have broken out in Tehran following results labelling Iran the leading state sponsor of terrorism for the second year in a row by the US Defense Department’s annual survey. One DoD official’s remarks that “Iran remains the world’s leading state sponsor of terrorism and is responsible for intensifying multiple conflicts and undermining US interests in Syria, Yemen, Iraq, Bahrain, Afghanistan...
Paraguay has been universally praised for bringing peace to the Middle East as Israelis and Palestinians reached a final peace deal and promised to end all conflict. Peace came shortly after Paraguay’s decision to reverse their Israeli embassy move by returning their embassy to Tel Aviv on the grounds that they wanted to “achieve a broad, fair and lasting peace...
Many Israeli government officials are at a complete loss as to why President of the Philippines, Rodrigo Duterte, was invited to Israel and who was responsible for the screw up. “We really haven’t got a clue why this has happened or how this even started”, one source commented. “Nobody here remembers inviting him so when Duterte thanked us for the...
ISIS has tweeted a tribute to the late Republican Senator John McCain, commending him on his ability to bridge political divides and work with those with whom he disagreed. “John McCain and I were members of different generations, came from completely different backgrounds, and competed at the highest level of politics”, the acting head of ISIS said. “But we shared,...
As the economic situation in Venezuela continues to worsen and other Latin American countries start to impose stricter visa entry rules on citizens attempting to leave, many Venezuelans are turning to Gaza as a place of refuge. “So, while I’ve heard there are periodic rocket strikes and choking blockades imposed by Israel and Egypt, and that the territory is controlled...
Teachers in the Gaza Strip’s UNWRA schools have noted that numerous rockets and missiles, usually located on school property, have gone missing, and have therefore acted by reporting them for unauthorised absences. Sources claim that many of these rockets’ absences can be put down to unauthorised trips outside of Gaza in which they made excursions into southern Israeli towns without...
Canadian sources have expressed jealousy, regarding Israel’s comparatively positive relationship with Saudi Arabia, in the wake of the latter’s fierce backlash to the Canadian government’s critique of the Gulf Arab state’s human rights record. “Like, we were only saying what everyone else was thinking about their shitty human rights situation”, one Canadian government official said. “But, the Saudis get all...
In the wake of the assassination of Syrian chemical weapons expert, Aziz Azbar, Israel has been on the defensive about its alleged role in the affair. Numerous international press organisations and political actors have pointed fingers at the Jewish State for being behind the attack. “Why does everyone think it’s us?”, one Israeli government spokesperson protested. “First, who says there...
International observers have expressed complete shock and astonishment at news that has confirmed that Qatar engaged in black ops campaign tactics and broke FIFA rules in order to win the bid to host the World Cup. “Shocked doesn’t even cover it”, one FIFA spokesperson said. “We’re simply astounded that Qatar used former CIA agents and PR agencies to spread fake...
Hamas has rebuked Israel for using their Iron Dome rocket defence system to intercept rockets which the organization claimed were not aimed at Israeli civilians but were in fact part of a fledgling space programme. “We’ve spent more than a decade trying to develop rockets which can successfully kill or maim Israeli civilians and it’s largely gone to waste since...
Elon Musk, desperate to find a use for his newly constructed submarine which Thailand’s divers declined to use for their daring rescue mission, has invited further ridicule for his suggestion that his invention could be used to solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. “Some say that PR stunts and loads of money being thrown at expensive toys can’t solve everything”, the billionaire...
Following rebuke from international observers for a speech in which he questioned Israel’s right to exist and called for her destruction, senior Hamas figure, Ismail Haniyeh, claims he misspoke and went before the press to say that he “realized there is some need for clarification”. “In a key sentence in my remarks I said the word ‘should’ instead of ‘shouldn’t’....
The Israeli parliament’s decision to bring forward legislation to financially penalize the Palestinian Authority by the amount they pay out to families of terrorists, has led to a call for compromise by the West Bank leadership. “We get it, honestly. We understand why the Israelis might be a bit pissed with us for dishing out dollars to encourage more stabbings”,...
