Seeking to boost his progressive pre-election credentials, a Hijab-clad Bernie Sanders was accidentally detained at JFK airport on World Hijab Day.
JFK’s security manager told The Mideast Beast, “We mistakenly believed that Mr. Sanders was an activated female Jihad terrorist from a Cuban terrorist cell. We heard something ticking suspiciously inside his socialist hijab.”
A fuming Sanders told The Mideast Beast, “The security was so rude that I almost thought that I was in Israel. In solidarity with oppressed communities, I borrowed a hijab from my spiritual soulmate and surrogate Linda Sarsour. President Trump’s Islamophobic policies are pushing Islamist suicide bombers to detonate out of desperation. If I had not been a privileged white male millionaire socialist Vermont Senator, I would probably also have embraced Islamist transgender martyrdom. This racist profiling assumes that anything wearing a hijab, which also makes a ticking sound, is somehow dangerous. I was simply carrying my election clock, which counts the days until I become president of the United States.”
Following the humiliating treatment of Sanders at JFK, the collapsing ISIS Caliphate in Syria unfriended JFK Airport on Facebook.
ISIS’ new chief told The Mideast Beast, “ISIS condemns America’s racist arrogance. This guy JFK is a male chauvinist Islamophobe who dishonored our new convert Mrs. Bernia Sanders. The complete disregard for progressive human rights breaks our bleeding decapitated Jihadi hearts. We have put a bounty on JFK’s head. We want him dead or alive.”