President Trump has declared Jerusalem “shared real estate” for Prime Minister Netanyahu and himself. The groundbreaking recognition constitutes a central component in Trump’s “Deal of the Century” Mideast peace plan.
President Trump spoke to The Mideast Beast after taking time off from his busy impeachment trial schedule.
“It’s a historic and super fair deal, perhaps the last chance to achieve peace between pro and anti-impeachment crowds. Both sides will work closely with Mahmoud Abbas, a great guy, a talented kleptocrat who embraces moderate terrorism and doesn’t fully deny the Holocaust. Abbas will ensure that the delicate status quo at the Al Aqua Water Theme Park is preserved. Right of Return visits to my new Trump Temple Mount Casino will be guaranteed to people of all faiths with deep pockets. Ilhan Omar will be my permanent Gaza envoy.”
Modest as ever, Trump shared his success with his hardworking Mideast peace team.
“I want to thank the second-greatest dealmaker on earth, my accidental son-in-law Jared Kushner, who in fact has read 25 whole books on the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict. Jared, against my better judgement, you stubbornly scored jackpot with the Wedding Deal of the Century involving my daughter Ivanka. America will invest 50 billion dollars in the Mideast, if it doesn’t finance malign indictment and impeachment terrorism against Bibi and me. No Trump or Netanyahu will be uprooted from his Office. Finally, thank you Bibi for writing my speech in legible handwriting.”