UN Closes Due to Coronavirus, Israel Condemned

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The United Nations has closed due to a coronavirus scare in New York and Geneva. The UN General Assembly remotely condemned Israel, widely blamed for “Coronaizing the world” after “credible intelligence” was provided by the Iranian regime’s Conspiracy Ministry.

UN spokesperson Yasser Gaddafi, a cousin of the late and beloved Libyan freedom champion Muammar Gaddafi, spoke to The Mideast Beast from the new Disney World in Syria, a well-known Palestinian UNESCO heritage site.

“This is a sad day for humanity, which the UN dutifully serves 24/7 by regularly passing super-balanced resolutions against the “Zionist Kike Occupation Government” and its virulent crimes against humanity, such as the medieval Black Death and the coronavirus.”

Mr. Gaddafi explained the rationale behind Israel’s “corona aggression.”

“Israel clearly seeks to silence critics in bastions of human rights like the UN and the recently closed corona-infested Iranian parliament.

Moshe Singer, an Israeli government spokesperson, reacted to the UN’s corona accusation with an opaque response. “Israel will not be the first to introduce virulent doomsday weapons in the Middle East. However, if Tel Aviv sneezes, the Tehran regime could suffer unpleasantly lethal coughs.”

Mr. Singer did not deny certain corona-related fringe benefits. “Due to the corona crisis, a trial against a certain indicted Israeli Prime Minister could potentially be postponed indefinitely. It also facilitates Israel’s annexation of certain disputed territories.”

Uzi Jericho, a spokesperson for Israel’s secret biological warfare department, tried to calm global corona hysteria with characteristic Israeli tactful PR savviness. “There is no need for panic. Most people who don’t boycott Israel’s emerging coronavirus vaccine, will likely survive.”