Hezbollah Outlaws ”Jew-Loving” Germany

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Hezbollah, Lebanon’s Jihad Boy Scouts have outlawed “Jew-loving” Germany. The response comes after Germany decided to outlaw all of Hezbollah, including its political wing. Hezbollah, which constitutes an integral part of Lebanon’s government, publicly flogged Germany’s ambassador and promptly expelled him from Lebanon with Iran’s militant Mahan Air, COVID-19’s favorite airline.

Hezbollah’s outraged chief Hassan ‘Man-Tits’ Nasrallah spoke to The Mideast Beast after being convinced that the outlet is loosely affiliated with the “great Aryan-infidel David Duke.”

“I am very disappointed with Germany. I thought that Hezbollah and Germany were on the same page concerning Jews, or Zionists as Euro-nerd diplomats prefer calling them. Since the racist world banned Germany’s militant wing in 1945, the Hezbollah-Ayatollah alliance selflessly continued the military resistance while Germany focused on the political front against the mucky pawed Zionist Government.”

German Government spokesperson Adolf Heilman responded to the Hezbollah controversy. “Germany apologizes for offending Hezbollah, which offends America and Israel, which blackmail Germany. After reviewing Germany’s Mideast policy, Berlin concluded that welcoming Islamic movements that zealously embrace the failed artist Hitler could potentially undermine post-1945 Germany’s best selling Never Again slogan.”

Nasrallah concluded: “While a guilt-ridden Germany dumped its militant nationalism in favor of militant multiculturalism, Hezbollah proudly embraces the Austrian lederhosen-clad Hitler’s progressively inclusive vision of one Islamic Volk, one Caliphate and one Jihad Führer.”

Israeli diplomat Uzi Cohen reacted with characteristically refined Israeli subtleness: “Fellow Semitic Hezbollah-scouts are finally opposing post-Aryan Judeo-sceptic Germany and the annoying Brussels settlers. Hezbollah-Israel relations have never looked brighter, especially if Hezbollah can resume hashish deliveries for medical use at Israel’s hard-working embassies and to our soldiers stationed in the north.”