Though leading France’s National Front to new heights, Marine Le Pen finds herself in trouble with old time party members who supported her father. “No matter how many times I tell them,” Le Pen explained, “those old guys just refuse to believe that hating Muslims can be just as satisfying as hating Jews.” Mrs. Le Pen, considered a serious contender...
In a wide-ranging interview, Iranian Supreme Leader, Ali Khamenei, explained his distress at the world’s refusal to take him at his word. “I am a simple cleric. A servant of the All-mighty. Still, how often must I say Iran will wipe Israel from the face of the earth before people take me seriously?” Khamenei’s awareness began when he installed a...
Taking a break from clearing out his desk and catching the next train on Platform 9 ¾, out going Secretary of State John Kerry appeared before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to defend the recent frame work deal with Iran. His defense was both vigorous and absolute. Committee Chairman, Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee, suggested it might be dangerous to...
Shockwaves from Hollywood to Damascus as the breakout terror group of the 21st Century, ISIS, and the start-up “religion” of the 20th, Scientology, announced merger plans. The new organization, “ISITOLOGY,” has yet to release a logo, announce a headquarters location, or even unveil its organizational chart. Still, the announcement provoked a major multi-industry realignment. Commentator Brea KN Record described the...
Like all teen romances, the UN was totally infatuated by Yemen. The impoverished Arabian nation asked the global organization to assist with all her myriad problems; hunger, violence, feeling generally unloved. “What can I say,” said the UN, describing those early days. “Yemen just seemed so helpless. I felt like a hero. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for...
Despite accusations of Jew bashing, New Yorker editor David Remnick insisted today that Lena Dunham’s recent piece, ‘Jews or Rats’, was neither offensive nor insipid. “Through thousands of years, people have compared Jews to vermin,” Remnick explained in a statement. “Lena’s piece should be seen as part of that fine tradition.” Other noted culture critics joined in defending Dunham. “Lena’s...
In the Israeli-Palestinian conflict over narrative history, the Palestinian Authority sought to score a major win today by unveiling a recently uncovered 1930 edition of the Palestine Post. With Mahmoud Abbas at his side, Department of Archeology Chair Iba bin Digga, explained the finds significance. “We Palestinians struggle to prove our ancient historical connection with our land. The Israelis say...
As proof that his negotiating acumen has succeeded in ‘serious concessions’ from Iran on behalf of Israeli security, Secretary of State John Kerry today revealed the mullahs agreement never to nuke the Jewish state on a Monday, Wednesday or Sunday. “John Kerry understands the serious security concerns of the Israeli people,” Kerry explained, as he spoke about himself in the...
Speculation abounds as to why President Obama continues to snub one of America’s closest allies in order to close a deal with the Iranian mullahs. Suggestions have ranged from anti-Semitism to just digging oppressive theocracies, or even that it might somehow be Bibi’s fault! As it turns out, the reason is simpler. And it’s nuts. After months of painstaking investigation,...
Prevented by his swelled head from attending discussions on the Jerusalem crisis, US Secretary of State John Kerry has unveiled his plan to bring peace to the City of Peace. “John Kerry may not be participating in negotiations,” said Kerry, inexplicably speaking in the third-person, “but that doesn’t mean John Kerry has forgotten about you. You’ve said, ‘what would we...
Last year’s Good Matzo collapsed yesterday with the first violence of this Passover season. Masked rabbis firebombed Vinnie Agastino’s bread truck as it rolled through Brooklyn’s Crown Heights neighborhood. While Mr. Agastino suffered only moderate injuries, some four dozen casualties occurred in the form of focaccia and ciabatta loaves burned beyond recognition. A sack of uncounted dinner rolls was also...
Netanyahu’s spokesman today revealed that comments made in the lead up to Israel’s recent election regarding Arab voters and blocking a Palestinian state, were in fact made by Bibi’s previously unknown evil twin, Gribi. “The Netanyahu family doesn’t like to speak about Gribi. He’s their dark secret. They realized Gribi’s evil nature after the boys were born and locked him...
In a wide-ranging interview with The Mideast Beast, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad admitted that he likely ‘overcompensates’ for his father Hafez Assad’s opinion that he wasn’t up to succeeding in the family business. “My father was a very competitive man. Self made. Really liked to murder people with his own hands. So you can imagine what that was like growing...
Jeb Bush’s impending presidential announcement, greeted by yawns from most, has electrified the Neo-Con fanboy community. Fans bid up tickets to Bush’s foreign policy speech, given at the Chicago Council of Global Affairs, to as high as $15. All were desperate to catch a glimpse of a neo-con ‘rockstar,’ and maybe snag an autograph. “I heard Paul Wolfowitz is on...
Despite a long history of governors using tourism ads to raise their national profile, many wondered why New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (just slightly pudgy fellow in above image) has directed his Tourism Department to launch a television campaign buying time exclusively in Syria, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, and Pakistan. Tourism Commissioner, Mrs Cannas Toplyin, released a statement, “Governor Christie knows that...
Despite herculean efforts to mask their antipathy, President Obama is beginning to suspect that Republicans don’t much care for him. “At first, I thought it had to do with me being, you know, ‘the new guy’ – President after less than one term in the Senate – but now I’m beginning to think it may go deeper than that,” Obama...
Embarrassment reigned at the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) annual policy conference in DC, as exuberant former Texas Governor and Republican Presidential contender Rick Perry took the stage saying he was glad about “all you Jews and Jewesses getting your horns removed so you can be good Americans.” Confused by the chilly reception to what he plainly intended to be a...
Worried about his status as spokesperson for world Jewry, the Prime Minister’s office today announced that Bibi Netanyahu will summon a ‘rabbinic conclave’ to declare the Prime Minister ‘Pope of the Jews.’ Speaking to TID off the record, a close aide explained Netanyahu’s thinking. “At first Bibi was just going to have the rabbis make him high priest, but he...
At a press conference former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani today further clarified his remarks about President Obama not loving America. “I say to you, my fellow Americans, that Obama does bear the Mark of the Beast. Six-six-six. Did he not rise out of the sea, with ten horns, and seven heads, and ten diadems? Is Obama not like...
While the final deal between Iran and the US led P5+1 has yet to be released, TID has learned of several previously undisclosed already accepted compromises. The agreement limits Iran to three nuclear weapons at any given time, though as a face saving compromise, these would be referred to as ‘nucular’ weapons as per the Bush pronunciation. Iran could replace...
