Laura Fillerup is an ex-MI5 field operative and Mossad double agent. Born and raised in New Zealand, she also holds Moroccan, German and Jamaican citizenship. She is the world’s foremost butterfly enthusiast and collector, and likes to spend her spare time digging holes in fields; cycling around in circles and researching numbers of legs on various animals. She has just completed a ten year stint researching the amount of legs on chickens (4). She writes from one of her favourite holes, located somewhere outside Mexico City.
In a surprising turn of events, Israel has been announced as the host of the 2022 Winter Olympics. An IOC spokesperson explained the decision “We at the IOC believe it is important to please everyone, all of the time. Human rights abuses aren’t very nice, are they? We didn’t really like the look of Kazakhstan – we watched ‘Borat’ about...
Despite widespread concern among world leaders and intelligence agencies over Western-born jihadists flocking to Syria to join ISIS, a new report shows that most end up returning home disillusioned and desperately craving “infidel creature comforts.” According to the Brussels-based Institute for the Study of Islamist Killaholics, which interviewed hundreds of returning jihadis, “the vast majority of these combatants come home...
Last week’s, ‘Women in Society’ conference held in Saudi Arabia was a complete sausage fest. Organizers confirmed it had been as yet another ruse to leave all the women indoors, for ‘some peace and fucking quiet’. A spokesperson for the conference, attended by over 15 Arab countries, told The Mideast Beast, ‘I thought I’d gone deaf for a moment, then...
It’s now been revealed that the recently brokered ‘historic’ deal, somewhat limiting Iran’s nuclear capability, was in fact a machination brought about by an international Zionist conspiracy. Chief Zionist, Jewdah Cohen-Bergstein, congratulated those who had guessed as much in an interview with The Mideast Beast: ‘We had such fun choosing the location of the conference. Who remains the Zionist poster boy...
The Zionist overlords controlling the world’s economic, business and other institutions, have finally admitted that they had rigged the last Israeli election. Speaking to the world’s press, Jewdah Cohenawitz-Bergstein explained and justified the conglomerate’s latest political interference: “We could foresee a bit of free will seeping into the Israeli electorate, and we didn’t like it one bit. Not ONE bit.”...
Like Dave Chappelle and Prince in 2014, yet another public figure has announced they will be staging a comeback for 2015. Old-school terrorist collective Al Qaeda, infamous for past atrocities involving hijacked planes, the World Trade Center, and the Pentagon have been feeling a little overshadowed lately, what with the rise of the Slicers and Dicers of the Levant, ISIS. In a Q&A...
According to an extremely unreliable source, Ms. Magnifique Derrière, otherwise known as Kim Kardashian, is thinking of following in the footsteps of her fellow Hollywood ‘sisters from other misters’ and joining the tribe of the Chosen. As Kim and her hubby already visited Israel last April and with her sisters possibly buying a new apartment in Tel Aviv, who knows, the rumors may be...
In an historic meeting, Israeli and Palestinian officials gathered to spew apologies at one another in order to resolve the latest in a string of violence. After having had enough of outsider interventions, lobbying, and couples therapy, top officials finally took matters into their own hands. Following a particularly hard-hitting epiphany, the Israelis began: “We’re sorry about that whole Hamas takeover...
Hamas has captured a Zionist ‘double agent dolphin’, an official stated earlier today to the world’s press. The allegedly heavily armed Jewish marine mammal was captured just off the shore of Gaza. The Hamas spokesperson declared the capture to be, ‘A gift from god – we are ecstatic. ‘He hasn’t said much yet. We’re waterboarding him every few minutes, and...
A group of Swedish holidaymakers have ended up being towed to the port of Ashdod in southern Israel after a series of unfortunate circumstances. Having set sail on a private yacht this week, the Bergeson family from Stockholm was excited for their trip. Unfortunately, the group of yachts they chose to follow out of Gothenburg port was part of last...
In what can only be viewed as an unbelievable story, it has been revealed that the Pope is actually not Catholic and he may be planning on converting to Islam. Following his recent meeting with Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas, world leaders began to suspect something was ‘a bit off’ about Pope Francis when he pronounced Abbas an ‘an angel of...
Following through on her prior agreement with God, Kate Middleton has birthed the Messiah. Born on May 2nd and labeled ‘Princess Charlotte’, God has made good on his promise, pulling yet another shock surprise. Addressing the crowds from outside the private hospital in London, God proclaimed; “Bet you didn’t see that one coming – yep, the messiah is a chick!”...
Addressing crowds from the clouds in a loud, booming voice, God, in his most recent address, informed those listening, “You’re all truly screwed!” “Look, people. I’ve told you time and again STOP KILLING EACH OTHER. I created you and I can end you. But did you listen?” “Now I’ve had enough. I’m bringing on the pre-Apocalypse and making shit rain down....
The UN has announced it will station more people standing around in fetching blue helmets on the Israeli-Lebanese border because, in the words of one spokesman, “things recently got a bit lively”. The UN has been sunbathing at the Syrian-Israeli border for the past 30 years. And have garnered much praise for having kept the peace by a policy of rolling over and...
A number of European cities have recently seen an upsurge of brave young men banding together in order to search for their city’s Israeli Gold. Having staged successful searches in European capitals such as Paris, Copenhagen, Rome and others, the band of explorers recently turned their sights to London, the capital of the civilized world. Being tipped off as to...
Stepping into the international arena with a declaration of something completely unrelated once more, Turkey announced that there was something ‘a bit fishy’ about late Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz’s death. President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (sexy stud in the image above) stated, “The sad death of brother King Abdullah, peace be upon him! is a direct consequence of the Zionist...
It has been announced that Lady Gaga will be addressing the UN General Assembly on behalf of Israel, in place of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, after her highly successful September concert in Tel Aviv. A spokesperson for the PM told The Israeli Daily, “It was a pretty obvious choice. I mean, look at her! She’s so talented! You can’t...
‘Should Scotland leave? Does England care? As Britain braces itself for Thursday’s referendum on Scottish independence, the United States – having gone over a week without entering global politics– has begun crisis negotiations with representatives from England and Scotland, attempting to persuade them to enter into a two-state solution. A seasoned negotiator attending the talks in Cardiff, Wales told...
Foreign Embassies are advising against all travel to Israel’s Upper Galilee region following reports of evangelical tourist groups becoming radicalized by ISIS. Groups of Western God botherers, inspired by ISIS’ presence on Israel’s northern border, have seen an opportunity to further their own religious aims while on tour in Israel. The Israeli Daily (TID) contacted one of the tour organizers...
Addressing the crowds from above the clouds, in a loud, booming voice, God, looking pretty proud of himself, announced that Kate had conceived the child naturally and not via Immaculate Conception, which he dismissed as ‘an absolute load of bollocks’: ‘There’s no such thing as an ‘Immaculate Conception’. Who ever made that shit up had some pretty fucked ideas about...
