The Mideast Beast Staff

 

iPhone Autocorrect Accused of Taking Sides in Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
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iPhone Autocorrect Accused of Taking Sides in Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

The rebooted autocorrect on iPhone 12 has been accused of making inflammatory remarks on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The first of many concerns was aired by Neil Rubinstein, who claimed “self-determination for the Jewish people” was corrected to “racism”. When he then asked Siri “what’s the difference between anti-Zionism and anti-Semitism”, she responded that no results were found for anti-Semitism, anywhere...

Palestinian Authority Unveils “RiotFind” App
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Palestinian Authority Unveils “RiotFind” App

Seeking to prove once and for all that there’s room in the region for more than one high-tech powerhouse, the Palestinian Authority today unveiled the “RiotFind” app now available in all app stores. President Abbas explained, “no longer will hooligans have to wander aimlessly carrying heavy rocks and burning tires, hoping to find like-minded gentlemen, inclined to smack a Zionist...

“Secret Jewish Space Laser” Merch – by Dissent Pins
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“Secret Jewish Space Laser” Merch – by Dissent Pins

We can thank Nick Jehlen, Madeline Elwell, Caitlin Kuhwald, among others, at Dissent Pins for this golden merch! Visit their site to get your “Secret Jewish Space Laser” pins, shirts, and hats today! Enjoy! Full disclosure: The Mideast Beast does not earn any profit for promoting Dissent Pins. (Between us, 👀 they don’t even know we’re plugging their collection). It’s...

Hamas Joins Forces with Tel Aviv to Build City’s New Subway System
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Hamas Joins Forces with Tel Aviv to Build City’s New Subway System

Tel Aviv City Council has signed a radical new public infrastructure agreement with Hamas. Starting next month they will be joining forces to take advantage of Hamas’ second favorite hobby (after amateur rocket firing), digging! One City Councilman explained the concept. “Everyone knows that traffic in this town is a nightmare. Last night I was at a particularly boring budget...

Report: Porn Reduces Suicide Bombing
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Report: Porn Reduces Suicide Bombing

Islamic State (IS) leaders are blaming an increase in the availability of high-quality Internet porn for their inability to recruit enough volunteer suicide bombers. Speaking exclusively to The Mideast Beast (TMB), Islamic State Khorasan Province (IS-K) Director of the Head Separation Techniques Department admitted that the problem had become so acute that the organization has needed to put a new recruitment...

Inspired by Trump, Saudi Arabia Enacts (Poor) Muslim Ban
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Inspired by Trump, Saudi Arabia Enacts (Poor) Muslim Ban

Saudi Leaders, looking to repair the relationship that many saw as being damaged under Barack Obama, and also saying they felt obliged to follow in the footsteps of its American allies, enacted its own (poor) Muslim ban this week and said that it would not be able to absorb refugees fleeing war torn Iraq and Syria. “We’d really like to...

The Hummus Fight (New Video!)

The Hummus Fight (New Video!)

In the long-awaited sequel to ‘I’m Palestinian, My Roommate is Jewish’, roommates Sammy Obeid and Toby Muresianu have a hummus battle to decided to decide whose hummus is the best: Israel’s or Palestine’s. Who will emerge victorious, and who do you think invented hummus? Click here to watch the video:...

Flushing 2016 Away: The Year When Batshit Crazy Became Reality
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Flushing 2016 Away: The Year When Batshit Crazy Became Reality

From Trump telling Malala that “true heroes don’t get shot in the head” to the brave Muslim women calling for the criminalization of fat white dudes in Speedos, The Mideast Beast’s fearless reporters stopped at nothing to get you 2016’s biggest stories – no matter how unbelievable. Because as we say at TMB, all news is satirical – and if...

Dr. McDreamy Death Causes Change of Heart Among Dictators
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Dr. McDreamy Death Causes Change of Heart Among Dictators

The tragic death of Grey’s Anatomy Dr. McDreamy has given many Middle Eastern dictators and other head separating organizations pause for thought. “His death just made things so real for me,” said Syria’s Bashar al-Assad, clearly holding back his tears. During his interview, the dictator with over 300,000 deaths on his hands was frantically texting his BFFs the news, most...

Je suis Charlie Hebdo
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Je suis Charlie Hebdo

Stephane “Charb” Charbonnier, the Editor of the French satirical newspaper, Charlie Hebdo once said, “Disarm them with humor”. He and his team at Charlie Hebdo lived by that motto as they fought against fanaticism and fought for pluralism for nearly 25 years until they were brutally murdered in their office in Paris. Once again, the world witnessed the losses and grief...

Ferguson Police taking tactical tips from ISIS?
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Ferguson Police taking tactical tips from ISIS?

A rumored Snowden leak details the Ferguson Police Department’s inability to actually carry out the whole policing thing, and points out that they are drawing tactical inspiration from ISIS to handle the situation because “they just can’t deal.” Speaking to The Mideast Beast’s Chris Peacock, the Ferguson Chief of Police stated, “This just got out of hand really quickly; one...