Pat N. Stroke

Pat N. Stroke was born in East Timor. Overfed by his Jewish mother and instructed in the art of playing victim by his Palestinian father, Pat learned at an early age to blame others for being fat.

Stroke graduated from Harvard University (sum cum louder), with a double major in Middle East Studies and in Metaphysics. His thesis, titled “Does God exist in a falafel”, became a hit radio show in Lebanon where it aired for three days.

For the past two decades, Pat has worked intermittently as a hairdresser to celebrity cats in Hollywood and as Chief Scientist on the Iranian nuclear program.

Currently residing in Sudan, Pat N. Stroke is a frequent contributor to the ISIS journal “Head and Shoulders” as well as to “Mohel Digest – the abridged version”.

Pat and his wife, Hadda Stroke, have two children, Rub N. Stroke and Luvto Stroke (an introvert). Pat dreams of playing in the NBA when he reaches 50.

 

NBC’s Most Prominent and Reliable Anchor Brian Williams to Immigrate to Israel

NBC’s Most Prominent and Reliable Anchor Brian Williams to Immigrate to Israel

Although NBC Network has stated that defamed anchorman Brian Williams will be allowed to return to work after having been caught lying, the anchor himself, self-titled “Mr. Chin”, has told relatives not to look for him on screen because he is immigrating to Israel. The move is considered surprising by many, given Williams’ Catholic upbringing and frequent participation in Christian missionary missions throughout Africa and Latin America. Asked about the reasons for his move to Israel, Williams responded: “I am...

The Softer Side of ISIS

The Softer Side of ISIS

In an apparent effort to show “the softer, gentler side of ISIS”, its charismatic leader Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi recently met senior executives of the Newbury-Smythe ad agency. The aim of the meeting, held at the agency’s New York headquarters, was to devise a media and PR strategy, which would present ISIS as the benevolent, charitable organization that it is, empowering women, Christians and other minorities. Sources at Newbury-Smythe confirmed to The Mideast Beast that the PR strategy would rebrand ISIS as...

In Last-Ditch Effort for Peace, Israel Set to Present Gaza With More Goodwill

In Last-Ditch Effort for Peace, Israel Set to Present Gaza With More Goodwill

In what many see as a last-ditch effort to salvage the peace process between Israel and the Palestinians, Prime Minister Netanyahu announced new goodwill measures to be implemented soon. Israel currently provides Hamas-controlled Gaza with electricity, water, food and medications. Israel’s government will now also provide them with a weekly supply of ten thousand beer kegs, two tons of Jewish pastries (chocolate and cinnamon), imported Starbucks coffee (low fat milk of course) and 500,000 bags of party favors. In addition, and as...

Roger Waters – The Porcine Roots of Anti-Semitism

Roger Waters – The Porcine Roots of Anti-Semitism

New information has surfaced recently, shedding light on what was previously believed to be straightforward anti-Semitism espoused by famed singer and songwriter Roger Waters of Pink Floyd. Waters, who denies all accusations of being an anti-Semite, has repeatedly said that all such accusations are merely “a Judeo-Zionist plot by long-nosed old men to conquer the world and get hold of my money, so typical of those grubby Jews”. In a statement published ahead of his upcoming album, “Another Brick in...

Assad’s Control Waning But Still Strong

Assad’s Control Waning But Still Strong

Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad is losing yet more control over territory as rebel forces led by Al-Qaeda and ISIS gain more ground. According to British magazine “Mideast Observatory”, Assad’s forces are now in control of only two condominium buildings and a fruit stand in downtown Damascus, after having lost their control of a school in the city of Palmyra. While French Ambassador Frederic LePieux continues to maintain that Assad “is a strong force to be reckoned with”, many foreign correspondents...

New Suez Canal Path a Major Blunder

New Suez Canal Path a Major Blunder

In what is set to be remembered as one of the biggest engineering blunders in history, Egypt’s Ministry of Canals and Waterworks admitted today that the new Suez Canal has probably been excavated “along a wrong path”. The project, earmarked at over 8 billion US Dollars, began two decades ago and was supposed to be dug on a parallel path and two hundred feet west of the original Suez Canal, opened in 1869. But an engineering blunder attributed to Magd...

Women of the Wall: Possible Compromise?

Women of the Wall: Possible Compromise?

In a surprise move by Israel’s Ministry for Religious Affairs, a new compromise was proposed to deal with the ongoing demand by the “Women of the Wall” movement to allow them to pray freely at the Western Wall in Jerusalem. While Ministry sources acknowledged that “Women of the Wall have a right to visit the Western Wall in order to sweep the floor or occasionally wash the Wall itself”, there has been much pushback against the idea that the women...

Michelle Obama Actually Caucasian: New Revelations from the Michael Oren Book

Michelle Obama Actually Caucasian: New Revelations from the Michael Oren Book

New revelations are surfacing ahead of the upcoming publication of the memoirs of former Israeli ambassador to the US, Michael Oren. The book, titled “Ally – watch me reveal shit I’m not supposed to”, is chock full of anecdotes, vignettes, clichés and other French words we don’t fully comprehend. Among the stories coming to light in Oren’s book is a hitherto-unknown fact about Michelle Obama. According to Oren, who cites obscure sources in Wyoming, the First Lady is in fact not...

Iran Nuke Program Just a Joke Gone Too Far

Iran Nuke Program Just a Joke Gone Too Far

At the annual Fun-Islam Convention in the coastal city of Bushehr, Iranian Supreme Council member Jawafar Rafsanah admitted that Iran’s nuclear program was merely “a joke that simply went too far”. Rafsanah, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that the nuclear program began as an internal joke between (Supreme Leader) Khamenei and President Rafsanjani, who had told the leader “hey, let’s build a nuke and see what happens”. The two then had a good laugh, although Ali Dajanifar, also present,...

Tel Aviv Gay Pride Parade Causes Mass Confusion Amongst Americans

Tel Aviv Gay Pride Parade Causes Mass Confusion Amongst Americans

Tel Aviv, Israel – The annual Tel Aviv Gay Pride Parade caused mass confusion and pandemonium last week as a group of 120 Americans of all ages, and incidentally all named Gail, came as a group to participate. “I believe we may have made a horrible mistake”, exclaimed Gail O’keefe of Orlando, Florida. “We were told it was a Gail Pride Parade and bought flight tickets to take part as proud Gails”. Gail Harrison of Palm Springs, California, was close to...

NBA Finals: Anti-Semitic Conspiracy?

NBA Finals: Anti-Semitic Conspiracy?

Concerns are rising among sports commentators as well as Jewish community mavens regarding the loss of the Cleveland Cavaliers at the 2015 NBA finals. Cavaliers coach David Blatt, who had immigrated to Israel in 1981, is pretty much a national hero in his adoptive country and calls himself “a proud Jew, Israeli and Pez dispensers collector”. However, the loss of the Cavaliers to the Golden State Warriors in the NBA finals is seen by many as proof that the NBA,...