Sports

Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility for Deflating Footballs

Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility for Deflating Footballs

Calling it the organization’s most successful operation on U.S. soil in years, al Qaeda chief Ayman al-Zawahiri claimed responsibility for the deflated football during the AFC Championship and for causing millions of Americans to question the integrity of the Super Bowl. “In a tremendous blow to the American infidels, we infiltrated the New England Patriots locker room and had our...

ISIS to Host Next Women’s Soccer World Cup
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ISIS to Host Next Women’s Soccer World Cup

In a surprise announcement that caught the soccer world mostly not caring very much, FIFA unresigned kingpin Sepp Blatter announced that the 2019 Women’s Soccer World Cup is to take place in Northern Iraq and Syria. A smiling Blatter addressed the crowd of two journalists sitting next to ISIS emir Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. “Abu is a bloodthirsty, genocidal, corrupt maniac,”...

Opinion: Thank God We’re Not Those Guys
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Opinion: Thank God We’re Not Those Guys

Living in Israel, it’s easy to forget how good you have it. It’s only when real tragedies occur in other countries and dominate the media that you realize everything you’ve been taking for granted. I had this realization this week, as my Facebook newsfeed was littered with disaster stories from half way around the world. Families torn apart. Lives turned...

ISIS Petitions International Olympic Committee to Add Beheading to 2016 Events
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ISIS Petitions International Olympic Committee to Add Beheading to 2016 Events

Rumors abound that the International Olympic Committee will soon be welcoming a new member, The Islamic State (ISIS). The terrorist group made clear that they hadn’t been sure the IOC would even let them participate in the upcoming games, but after a “bit of persuasion” they were added to the roster of participating states. Leaders of the internationally admonished group...