Sports
Israel to host 2022 Winter Olympics
In a surprising turn of events, Israel has been announced as the host of the 2022 Winter Olympics. An IOC spokesperson explained the decision “We at the IOC believe it is important to please everyone, all of the time. Human rights abuses aren’t very nice, are they? We didn’t really like the look of Kazakhstan – we watched ‘Borat’ about 3 times before coming to that decision. And while we all agree that Chinese takeout is the best, we don’t...
ISIS Petitions International Olympic Committee to Add Beheading to 2016 Events
Rumors abound that the International Olympic Committee will soon be welcoming a new member, The Islamic State (ISIS). The terrorist group made clear that they hadn’t been sure the IOC would even let them participate in the upcoming games, but after a “bit of persuasion” they were added to the roster of participating states. Leaders of the internationally admonished group have announced that they will seek to add a new event to the 2016 Games: beheading. “We’ve been practicing real...
Qatar Appeals for Help in Attracting Service Professionals for World Cup
Restored diplomatic ties in the Gulf have allowed Qatar to put in a delicate request for aid with neighbour the UAE The Mideast Beast has learnt. Speaking on condition of anonymity a high-ranking Qatari official told TMB that the country was requesting aid in securing an important service for the upcoming Soccer World Cup. “After a ‘lessons learned’ briefing from officials that attended the world cup in Brazil we have recognised that the oldest profession in the world is integral to the...