Haya B. Seret

 

Amidst ‘Thoughts and Prayers’, NRA Recommends Anti Exit-Door Campaign
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Amidst ‘Thoughts and Prayers’, NRA Recommends Anti Exit-Door Campaign

The tragic high school shooting in Santa Fe, Texas has pushed the NRA to its emotional brink. The rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness apparently do not apply to the nearly 50 million students in American public schools, but the obscure and outdated second amendment right remains unscathed. “It’s time something is done. Our years of thoughts...

IDF to transfer Palestinian Sewage System to Terror Tunnels
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IDF to transfer Palestinian Sewage System to Terror Tunnels

In an amicable gesture of peace and cooperation, Prime Minister Netanyahu is expected to announce the transfer of all Palestinian civilian sewage responsibility directly to Hamas’ expertly engineered terror tunnels. This olive branch, a giant leap forward in Israeli-Palestinian relations, seeks to mimic the same working relationship that Israel shares with Jordan. Netanyahu’s office released a supportive message on the...

DJ Khaled’s Anti-Oral Statement Really Confuses Feminists
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DJ Khaled’s Anti-Oral Statement Really Confuses Feminists

A recently resurfaced interview from 2015 with hip-hop mogul DJ Khaled has sent shockwaves through the feminist community, particularly with organizers of the Women’s March who are convinced that all Arab men honor and respect their wives. Khaled, still not entirely sure why reciprocity in a relationship means performing oral sex, stands by his statement that “there are different rules for...

Korean Leaders to Give Hand Holding Lessons to Trump and Melania
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Korean Leaders to Give Hand Holding Lessons to Trump and Melania

Last week’s denuclearization talks between North and South Korea went astonishingly well – so well in fact, the duo is offering hand holding-lessons to the US President and First Lady.   “Donald cannot just grab her by the hand,” said Kim with Moon nodding in agreement. “Melania should not want to defect from the marriage. Trump needs to read the potentially...

Trump to Outfit US Military With Yeezys
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Trump to Outfit US Military With Yeezys

Following Kanye West’s most recent public psychotic break on Twitter, President Trump is invoking his authority as commander-in-chief to make a difference in urban America. In an unprecedented consensus across all branches, the US will effectively replace all military-issued footgear with Yeezys.  West, apparently under the influence of his ex-step-father-turned-ex-step-mother-in-law Caitlyn Jenner, raged a hailstorm of tweets praising the President...

Nicaraguan Protesters Contact Mahmoud Abbas for Expert Rioting Advice
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Nicaraguan Protesters Contact Mahmoud Abbas for Expert Rioting Advice

Nicaraguan protestors are turning to a new leader, who is an expert in attempts to suppress corrupt government oppression in a crap country where no one really wants to be anyway. “Abbas is the face of the longest-lasting civil protest of our time,” protestor Julio Gonzalez de la Peña stated between rounds of tear gas and pepper spray. “And it...

US Changes Imperial System To Still Not The Metric System
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US Changes Imperial System To Still Not The Metric System

In a surprising development, President Trump, with the full faith backing of the EPA and Betsy DeVos, has moved to officially obliterate the Imperial Measurement System, to unequivocally ‘Make America Great Again’. The new measurements, categorized by the President personally , range in acute specificity from a “Sad Little Marco” to “Yuuuuge”. DARPA is the first government agency to test...