Would-be Trump Assassin Annoyingly White

© Americanspirit | Dreamstime.com - LAS VEGAS NEVADA, DECEMBER 14, 2015: Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump Speaks At Campaign Event At Westgate Las Vegas Photo

The Trump camp is reportedly furious at the amateur efforts of very white man Michael Sandford, after the 20-year-old Englishman made his assassination attempt this week at a Vegas rally.

“I mean look at this guy, he’s so damn pale. I’m told he’s been living in his car. Well, all I can say is crack the sunroof open a little you freak. At least get a little color in your cheeks. If I’m gonna get smoked you can be damn sure I expect it to be from someone with a little brown tint,” commented the Presidential hopeful.  “And what’s with being English? Since when did the Europeans hate me? I mean maybe if he was Spanish I could have understood a bit more.”

“I understand from my aides that he was here illegally. I’ve asked Sarah Palin to check whether England shares a border with Mexico that we didn’t know about. She’s pretty hot on this geography stuff, so I expect an answer back quickly.”

“And I will certainly be asking the authorities to check his birth certificate. You really can’t be sure that people are where they say they’re from.”

“At least tell me he was a radical convert to Islam. I’ve been expecting those crazy bastards to have a go at me for ages.

But I’m gonna have the last laugh when I announce my new wall around the Middle East funded by Saudi Arabia.”

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