The New York Times Unveils New “All-Israel” Section

In a dramatic announcement, The New York Times’ Editor Dean Baquet today unveiled the paper’s newest section, ‘All Israel.’ “A number of our readers open the paper just to scan for our Israel coverage. Some do it to complain that we are bashing Israel. Others so they can complain that we are not bashing Israel enough. Now they just need to go right to the ‘All Israel Section’.”

Dying-media Analyst Rhea Cycle praised the move. “Look, as fewer and fewer people read printed editions, papers have to service this crucial demographic. Surprising though it may seem, print editions don’t have search functions.”

Baquet described how the new section would provide the perfect outlet for the Israel Bureau’s prodigious output. “I know some folks don’t really care about Israel, there are actually a few out there, and they wonder why it gets so much attention. They ask why we give Israel more coverage than other less consequential countries, like France. Or Canada. Why, they ask, did we publish articles on Israeli bus routes, agriculture, and even choice of baby names? They ask whether we’re obsessed.

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“The answer is that of course we are. How else do you explain our The New York Times’ dozen reporters in a country with a population smaller than Paris? Now those reporters will have a section to call home.”

Asked whether some Israeli reporters might be more needed in under-covered areas like Afghanistan, Syria, China, or Togo, Baquet grew incredulous. “Beijing’s air is terrible. And where would you rather live, in Africa, Kabul or Tel Aviv. Come on people, show some heart.”

This is not the first experiment at The New York Times with shifting coverage on Israel. During the last Gaza War, the paper made a calculated decision to move the daily casualty count to the Sports Section.