Riots at Temple Mount in Jerusalem caused by flatulence, not religious tension

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Bathroom attendants at the Al-Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem have called a strike over what they say are poor working conditions brought on by the frequent Israeli ban on younger Muslims worshipping at the third holiest site for Islam.

Ibrahim Batatu one of the leaders of the protest told The Mideast Beast the reasons behind the strike. “You have no idea how bad things have got. On the days when the ban is in place only worshippers over the age of 50 are allowed into the mosque. Try to imagine for a moment many old men in the same enclosed space, all of them producing ass thunder following their morning meals. Do you know what makes praying very difficult, and takes the spirituality right out of the whole experience? Butt-flavoured air!”

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According to the strikers the situation reached crises point three weeks ago when the ageing sewage infrastructure backed up and caused a methane eruption. “One of our team heard a noise and went to investigate. Unfortunately an inadvertent spark caused an eruption that left Abu Khazal with a singed beard and eyebrows.”

The strikers have called for safer working conditions including the implementation of a ban on attendance by any over-50s Muslim that has eaten hummus or shawarma in the proceeding 12 hours. Strike leaders have also said that they will be seeking compensation from the Israeli government for its role in imposing the unsafe working practices by insisting on the ban.

Meanwhile, leaders of the Orthodox Jewish communities who have been protesting to get greater access to pray at the site have accused the toilet attendants of intentionally announcing the strike in the middle of their protests in an attempt to make their demands seem petty, something they seem quite capable of and determined to do themselves.

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