Teenage boys all over Israel are conflicted over whether it’s OK to “spank the Rabbi” over some Hollywood chick who’s come out as anti-Semitic. Elie Hognuts, a hairy palmed 15 year old from Tel Aviv said “ever since the movie Vanilla Sky, I’ve been enjoying a “private visit to the Western Wall” with the thought of Penelope Cruz as a sexy religious studies teacher that lets me go all ‘Old Testament’ on her, if you know what I mean.” Now it turns out she straight out thinks we’re genocidal. But I’m still hard…it’s a quandary and no mistake.”
Yossi Blueberg, 16, who has been spending a suspiciously long time locked in the bomb room alone, complained, “For me, Selena Gomez was the perfect girl next door that I could bring back to meet the family. But once we were back home she’d be all like ‘oh no, my Iron Dome has failed, your love scud is going to land right on me.’ What am I supposed to do now that she’s basically a Hamas operative who could pop out of a tunnel and kidnap me… kidnap me for sexy times…sorry I just drifted off there for a bit.”
However, all agree that it’s a good thing that Rihanna is considered ‘off limits’; apparently she’s just walking weaponised chlamydia.