BEIRUT – Hassan Nasrallah, the leader of Lebanon’s Shiite militant group Hezbollah, is reportedly recovering from radical breast reduction surgery in a secret bunker in the country’s Beqaa Valley.
The reduction mammoplasty was performed by Swiss cosmetic surgeons clandestinely flown in to conduct the operation, according to a disgruntled member of Hezbollah’s leadership, who spoke with The Mideast Beast on condition of anonymity.
Over 30 kilograms of breast tissue were excised from his tits during the four-hour surgery, which was then fed to Nasrallah’s pet Rottweiler, Satan’s Little Helper.
The Hezbollah leader is reportedly recovering well, aided by a compression garment to accelerate the healing process and minimize swelling. Any scarring will be concealed once Nasrallah’s dense chest hair grows back after a vigorous pre-op shaving.
Despite his supremely confident public demeanor, the visibly overweight Nasrallah reportedly suffers from acute body image issues, and was finally moved to action after Zionist Twitter trolls launched a campaign mocking his sizable moobs, AKA ‘man boobs’, which included a viral image of him being simultaneously titty-fucked by Israeli soldiers.