Hamas to The Onion: ‘Enough Anti-Israel Propaganda’

The Gaza-based Palestinian Islamist group Hamas chided The Onion yesterday for its anti-Israel obsession, urging the Wisconsin-based satirical publication to “focus more on the LOLs.”

The group’s message comes more than two months after an outbreak of violence led to a series of Onion articles that, in the words of Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh, “were the kind of anti-Israel rants we normally only see when Ahmed’s chugging the fermented goat’s milk.”

“Listen, we love hearing people rip on those Jews as much as anyone, but we already have the UN for that,” Haniyeh noted. “We log onto The Onion to take our minds off work with some humor, not to feel like we’re being lectured to by Jeremy Corbyn.”

Haniyeh pointed specifically to a story accusing an Israeli sniper of joyfully killing a Palestinian baby, when in reality the infant died of an unrelated heart defect. He called the article “heartless” and compared it to pre-Hitler-era antisemitism, noting that it “borders on blood libel.”

He also took offense at The Onion’s “audacious suggestion” that the dozens of Palestinians killed on the Gaza border were just regular civilians. “You know what’s not funny? Our martyred colleagues – the 50 of the 63 dead – who didn’t get the credit they were due. Now, that’s no laughing matter.”

“Satire can serve as effective political commentary, but when a satire site uses its platform to preachily lecture on an issue without any wit or humor, or barely any truth, it cheapens both the comedy and its underlying position,” Haniyeh said. “If this is the course The Onion chooses, then they will soon find themselves off the list of publications we issue death threats against.”