CIA Admits They’re Just not Good at Math

The CIA has shocked the wider intelligence community by confessing, “we just don’t do sums.”

According to Director of Basic Mental Arithmetic, Jim Thomson, “most of the guys and girls here are very much ‘humanities’ students. Ask them to make some wide-sweeping statement about any regional situation, no problem, 50,000 words on your desk by close of play.” However counting and stuff is really something we prefer to leave to those geeks over at the NSA. That place is stuffed with math PhDs, which explains why we totally rule them at the interagency softball league.”

RELATED: Homeland Security Official: “Words are Just Collections of Letters.”

“With that in mind I don’t think it’s really fair to criticize us for admitting we’ve miscounted ‘Islamic State’ numbers by a factor of three’ish, could be four, I don’t know, maybe ten. Did I mention this is not our strong suit? I mean come on, once you go past 100, you are just into what we prefer to call ‘a shit load’.”

“Luckily we are pretty confident that a good old-fashioned fire bombing is really going to thin things out over there. If they’ll just stand together in big groups out in the open, then we should be getting down to a number we can get to grips with by Christmas.”

“Some people have tried to suggest that this is the result of a massive intelligence failure on our part. That’s utter nonsense. It’s simply very hard to keep track when you have to take your shoes and socks off to get to 20.”

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