Nigel Jesuan

 

Mugabe disinvited from ‘Overthrown Middle Eastern Dictators’ Annual Ball

Mugabe disinvited from ‘Overthrown Middle Eastern Dictators’ Annual Ball

Zimbabwe’s long-time president, Robert Mugabe, has had his invitation to the exclusive Overthrown Middle Eastern Dictators’ Annual Ball withdrawn, accompanied by an apology from the organizers for what they termed an “administrative error”. “It is with regret that we must withdraw Mr. Mugabe’s invitation to this year’s event”, said a spokesperson. “We mistakenly sent an invite to Mr. Mugabe without...

Trump Claims IQ test Needed to Solve Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Trump Claims IQ test Needed to Solve Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

President Trump has launched a novel approach the Middle East peace process with the suggestion that the major negotiation sticking points between Israelis and Palestinians could be solved in a winner-take-all IQ test. “Winners in the Mideast should be decided by IQ test. Netanyahu and Abbas must compete. SMARTEST guy gets Jerusalem. The other doesn’t – SAD!”, Trump tweeted late...

ISIS Claims Responsibility for Killing JFK

ISIS Claims Responsibility for Killing JFK

Following the release of some of the juiciest files on the assassination of President John F Kennedy, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has appeared to incriminate his own organization by claiming that ISIS was behind the attack. “Lee Harvey Oswald was a soldier of Islamic State. He assassinated JFK in a pre-emptive revenge attack, in anticipation of US military aggression in the...

Bored Hezbollah Units Plan Attack on Cyprus to Pass the Time

Bored Hezbollah Units Plan Attack on Cyprus to Pass the Time

Following a decade-long hiatus of the prolonged war with its sexy southern neighbor, Israel, the armed Lebanese militia has been anxious to get some action. “Not all of us have joined the pro-Assad forces in Syria”, one unit commander told The Mideast Beast. “For those of us left behind it’s getting kind of boring. We’ve been waiting years for orders...

Israel Tried to Coax Palestinians Into Signing up to Lame Organizations to Distract Them From Joining Interpol

Israel Tried to Coax Palestinians Into Signing up to Lame Organizations to Distract Them From Joining Interpol

In anticipation of the Palestinians’ successful bid to become a member of the International Police Organization, Interpol, Israel has tried to coax them into signing up to other intergovernmental bodies instead. “We thought that if they could be enticed by invitations to join lame groups nobody could give a shit about they might get distracted and drop the whole Interpol...