Holden Cruz

 

Hamas Seeks Humanitarian Aid to Purchase a DeLorean

Hamas Seeks Humanitarian Aid to Purchase a DeLorean

Hamas spokesman Marti Ibn Zvuv talks candidly with The Mideast Beast (TMB) about success, failure, and hopes for the past. TMB: With huge support from the UN and world media, you must be pleased with the outcome of your recent activities MIZ: Actually, we are still suffering.  Seems that we can’t put money into trying to destroy Israel and provide for our people simultaneously. TMB:  Why a time machine? MIZ:  Since the 2005 Israeli disengagement, our living standard has plummeted.  Frankly, we weren’t prepared to rule...

UN Human Rights Council: Shoot (Your Mouth Off) First, Ask Questions Later

UN Human Rights Council: Shoot (Your Mouth Off) First, Ask Questions Later

In a vote for an inquiry regarding the recent clashes at Israel’s border with Hamas-controlled Gaza, Australia voted against the resolution on the basis that “The UNHRC resolution pre-judged the outcome of an inquiry”.  Britain abstained from the vote on the basis that it could not support an investigation that ignored Hamas’s role, and any media coverage of the conflict might interfere with celebration of Meghan and Harry’s wedding.   UNHRC chief, Zeid Ra’ad al-Hussein (who has no ingrained bias against Israel), has responded...

Laurel and Yanny Mideast Style

Laurel and Yanny Mideast Style

In one of the latest viral internet stories, a recording of the word “Laurel” is heard by many as “Yanny”.  While the original recording was actually “Laurel”, the alternate version can be heard if the individual has a deficiency hearing certain frequencies, or if certain frequency information is deliberately lowered and others are intentionally increased. A number of similar phrases have been identified in the Middle East, including “We will take down the border and we will tear their hearts...

Hamas Denounces Tyrants for Stealing Headlines, World’s Attention

Hamas Denounces Tyrants for Stealing Headlines, World’s Attention

In a rare outburst, the leaders of Gaza have harsh words against Syria’s President Assad.  When asked if this was because of the thousands of Palestinians killed by the Syrian regime including dozens during the recent the bombing of the Yarmouk refugee camp, Ismail Haniyeh replied “Sure there’s that.  But we’re really pissed about his chemical weapon attacks at the time of our protests stealing our headlines”.  He continued: “We’ve been working for weeks trying to get enough Palestinians killed or injured to get on the front...

Media Shocked by Attack from Political Left

Media Shocked by Attack from Political Left

LONDON – After many months of accusations of bias from the political Right, media outlets have been taken by surprise by attacks from the other side of the aisle. UK Labour’s shadow Home Secretary, Diane Abbott, has lashed out at media over reports that she tweeted a misleading photo regarding  joint US, UK and French air strikes on Syrian military installations.  Ms Abbott has described as “pathetic” criticisms of her photo of a recent US fighter jet strike on Syria.  “Why does it matter...

Fake News Sites and the UN in Demarcation Dispute

Fake News Sites and the UN in Demarcation Dispute

GENEVA – In a surprise announcement today, editors of the largest satirical news websites have declared that they are forming a new international organization with the central mission of “maintenance of international peace and security”.  Following the UN decision to make Syria the head of their chemical weapons watchdog, just days after Assad’s alleged chemical attack in Ghouta, the conglomerate said: “Since the UN seems to be doing our job, it’s time we did theirs – it’s not like they’re...

White Walkers Picket Wall

White Walkers Picket Wall

The Night’s Watch have been criticised by leading human rights organizations for their attacks on peaceful White Walkers picnicking the Wall.  The Wall is recognized as the border by all nations throughout Westeros, Essos, and Sotheryos, however, it is not recognized by the White Walkers. Senator Bernie Saunders has criticized the Crows’ tactics saying that use of Dragons Glass is disproportional. “The White Walkers are the victims here”, Saunders said, “even if they are the victims of other White Walkers who turned...