Exclusive Interview: Israel in Demand for Hotter International Supporters

Winner of the sexiest nation (Middle East and North Africa Division) for three years running, Israel, has expressed concerned at the quality of international chicks willing to ‘stand by it’.

Chatting with The Mideast Beast in an exclusive heart to heart, the Zionist hunk was unrepentant. “Look, it’s not that I’m not grateful for the support, it’s just that I have certain standards and a reputation to uphold. I mean have you been down the Tel Aviv beachfront on a Friday afternoon? It’s heaving with insanely hot girls. What’s wrong with me wanting to see that in my wider fan base?”

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Sipping a mojito whilst Jordan rubbed suntan lotion over its back, Israel went on, “I’m just saying that some of them could be doing just a little less bible reading and a bit more time hitting the gym. I’m pretty read up on my ‘Old Testament right to exist’, so I don’t really need any more quotes. Basically what I’m saying ladies, is this: if I need intellectual stimulation I’d read more S.Y. Agnon. And can we please just lay off the ‘hating Arabs’ thing? It makes your faces all screwed up; it’s not a good look is all I’m saying.”

“Please don’t think I’m shallow, but when you’re surrounded by people wanting to shove you into the sea, you tend to live for the moment.”