World’s Most Profitable Corporation Somehow More Valuable Than Bullshit Dot-Com Companies

ID 155236329 © Alexandersr | Dreamstime.com

Analysts have been caught off guard by the announcement that Saudi oil monopoly, Aramco, is more valuable than the latest vegan pet food delivery startup out of Silicon Valley.

One commented, “It appears that having a lock on the substance currently enabling the world to get from A to B, makes for a massively valuable corporation. Who knew? Apparently, this is moderately more useful than the connected fridge/emoji generator/massage chair that just pulled in a $100m A Round investment.”

A spokesman for Aramco commented, “We appreciate that some people are surprised that having a shit ton of black gold just meters under our sandals makes for an exciting investment prospect. I know we can’t compete with those guys at Apple who I understand next month will be launching… Hang on let me check my notes… Another fucking phone… Yeah those guys.”