US to Send White Supremacist Terrorists to Gringotanamo Bay

Camp Delta - Kathleen T. Rhem [Public domain]

Saying that the threat of additional terrorist attacks justified extraordinary measures, the US has begun holding suspected white supremacists on the island of Gringotanamo Bay off the coast of Cuba.

American officials made the decision after a pair of shootings in Dayton, Ohio and El Paso, Texas – one of which was believed to be carried out by white supremacists – killed 29 Americans. Almost immediately, white men affiliated with radical groups were rounded up and shipped to the island, known for its brutal detention facilities.

“While we respect Due Process, the priority here is keeping Americans safe,” one counter-terrorism official told The Mideast Beast. “We just can’t do that with all these white nationalist incels running around.”

NGOs have called conditions on the island a human rights nightmare, as inmates are forced to go weeks without access to 4chan. Prisoners must travel only by Prius, with some forced to survive on just one can of Pabst Blue Ribbon a week. Prison guards have forcibly shaved many of the prisoners’ goatees, and those suspected of the worst atrocities have been bound and forced to listen to speeches by Ta-Nehisi Coates.

“How can the world turn a blind eye to our suffering?” white supremacist leader and Gringotanamo inmate Richard Spencer said during an emotional appearance on CNN. “Where is the UN?”

Reports that inmates were denied access to Wifi could not be confirmed as of press time.

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