Sanders Blasts .1% of Americans for Hogging 100% of Coronavirus

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In a scathing attack on Americans battling COVID-19, Senator Bernie Sanders accused the 60,000 Americans diagnosed with the novel coronavirus of rigging the system to prevent all Americans from experiencing the disease.

“We keep hearing about how America is leading the world in new coronavirus cases, and how there have never been more Americans with a fever and dry cough, but for most citizens it does not feel that way,” Sanders said at a recent rally. “It is not fair that one tenth of one percent of the population owns 100% of the coronavirus diagnoses, while 99% of Americans have no coronavirus at all.”

On Thursday, the Sanders campaign released a plan to redistribute the virus equally across the population. He has also sponsored Covid4All legislation, calling chills, body aches and loss of taste and smell a “human right.”

“If Tom Hanks, Kevin Durant and Prince Charles all get to experience this disease, then there is no reason why low-income Americans should not have the same opportunity,” he declared. “When I am elected president, there will be coronavirus for the many, not the few.”

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