The latest public reckoning around racist, or as academia calls them “controversial,” figures befell Princeton University this weekend as activists pushed for the removal of Woodrow Wilson’s name from the School of International Affairs. In a surprise move the administration agreed with the students, stating that the name “International Affairs” is outdated and should be replaced with something more representative of today’s public and foreign policy methods, resulting in the school being renamed: The Jared Kushner School of Internationally Winging It.
With this change Princeton is finally moving with the times. They are no longer venerating old power structures based on racism and xenophobia and are instead embracing our current power structures based on rampant nepotism and sheer cluelessness. They’re hoping the new name will make students feel as if anybody can fuck up the Middle East if they marry right.
“Foreign policy is changing, and schools must change with it” said one board member. “Wilson had 14 clear-cut points to his doctrine. Jared, on the other hand, has a unique way of stating corporate buzzwords and then succumbing to Bibi’s demands, and that’s after reading 25 whole books on the Arab-Israeli Conflict. We felt he deserved to have that reflected in the school’s new motto: Synergy, Autonomy, Let’s Circle Back.”
Despite getting the former US president’s name removed, student activists are reportedly pissed off by the quick renaming of the school. sating, “this is how all old white institutions are. One goose step forward, two goose steps back.”
