Scholars around the world were celebrating the discovery of a 5,000-year old wall in Northern Israel that is likely to be paying tribute to the ancient moon god Nanna. In a region where there has recently been a noticeable lack of excuses for mass murder, this discovery may have come at just the right time.
Oxford Professor Theo Dickell, at the Institute for Discovering More Reasons to Kill Each Other, was thrilled, “Oh jolly good, just what we need right now. Do you think this new chap is roughly for or against women’s rights? And do we know if he is pro or anti ‘men lying with men’, a very important issue”
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“I was only saying the other day to my colleague Phillip that what we really need right now is something that can offer really new and obscure ways for people to have a reason to ‘have a go’ at their neighbours. I can only hope that we can find a ‘Sun’ temple somewhere close by, then we can watch as things really kick off.”
Badi Al-Masri, a katana-wielding melon remover currently on tour in Iraq was more nuanced, “I never want to create a downer on other peoples right to worship their own brand of sky fairies. Far be it from me to cast judgement, but on the other hand if you don’t do exactly what I say I am going to cut your head off. Your call infidel.”