Netanyahu Protects Palestinians From Virus by Distancing Land Across the West Bank

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In a triumph for health experts everywhere, Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu has promised to achieve social distancing across the West Bank by annexing large swathes of land in the middle of it.

Despite some haters calling this move “illegal” and “jeopardizing peace,” select advocates in the fight against Coronavirus see putting borders around villages in the middle of what would otherwise be one long potential state as the only way to prevent contact between 2.6 million Palestinians. Such a move is clearly only meant for Coronavirus-related reasons.

“Look, the WHO recommends that we all stay more than 6 miles, I mean feet, apart right?” Announced chief medical officer Idi Eff. “We’re just trying to keep people safe. Gaza gets it, they’re miles away from all other Palestinians, and, with our help, they’re doing a great job of staying isolated from the rest of the world. We just want to ensure the same level of protection for the West Bank too.”

Despite most other leaders promising that their social distancing measures are only temporary, Netanyahu claims he is deeply concerned about the 14th wave that he’s sure will occur, and therefore is planning on maintaining these specific measures until the virus, or hope of a Palestinian state, disappears. Whatever comes first.

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