Middle East Peace at Risk as Jared Still Distracted by Leading Role in Fight against Coronavirus

By U.S. Embassy Jerusalem - Embassy Dedication Ceremony, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=69166920

News that the President’s son-in-law – and Westworld robot voted “most unconvincing” three years in a row – Jared Kushner, remains in his leading and effective position in the domestic fight against the coronavirus has been met with dismay throughout the Middle East.

A Saudi government spokesman commented, “Well now what? We figured the US would’ve had the virus under control by now but Americans really seem attached to that first wave. This sucks! We were really relying on Mr. Kushner. Who else gave us that combination of bland reassurance, direct access to the clown show, and stood still enough to be used as a hat stand? Priceless.”

A Hamas spokesman added, “Jared might not have been the most informed negotiator. Let me clarify that, he was more informed than his father-in-law, which is to say he could find Syria on a map with no more than three or four hints from his State department advisors. But he did offer us some amazing advice on New York real estate. We might be no nearer to peace, but boy do we have some hot leads on a two bed two bath walk-up on the Upper East side.”

The press secretary for Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu said, “Let’s be clear: we’d ask the gardener for international relations tips before that guy. And the gardener immigrated here from Belarus only two years ago, doesn’t speak a lick of Hebrew, and really hits the bottle most nights. But still we will miss the President’s special envoy, he’s been able to pass on some amazing tips from his father on how to survive life in the big house. We’ve never seen the Netanyahu so engrossed…”

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