Stressing its commitment to fighting climate change following its signing of the Paris Climate Accords, the Syrian government announced that it will begin using ecologically friendly explosives when cluster-bombing civilians.
“Dropping barrel bombs full of pollutants on schools, mosques and hospitals was not just irresponsible. It was flat-out wrong,” Syrian President Bashar al-Assad acknowledged. “As Paris Agreement signatories, our massive bombing campaigns will now be carbon neutral.”
Syria’s announcement angered US President Donald Trump, who said it has led him to question his support for the Russian-backed dictator. As the leader of the only country that has not signed the treaty, Trump vowed to only use coal-powered bombs when attacking Sunni neighborhoods.