Presidential special advisor and cut-price WestWorld robot, Jared Kushner, has offered the Bernie Sanders campaign a copy of his latest peace plan in case the ‘Democrat’ wins power. Mr. Kushner was encouraged to ‘hedge his bets’ upon realizing the document would only need minor changes to make it palatable to Senator Sanders.
A spokesman for the third most lifelike member of the Trump inner circle commented, “It turns out to be surprisingly easy to adapt the plan. We just needed to change every mention of ‘Israel’ or ‘Israeli’ to ‘Palestine’ and ‘Palestinian’. There’s really no need for nuance or compromise when you’re happy to just give one bunch of extreme crazies everything they’ve ever asked for with a massive Jerusalem-shaped cherry on top. I guess some Jews will be annoyed to find themselves driven onto rafts just off the coast of Cyprus. But hey those are the sacrifices we have to make if we’re going to achieve a long-term solution.”
The Sanders campaign has reacted cautiously to the Kushner approach. A representative stated, “We’re really concentrating on achieving universal health care for all Americans. And getting corporations to pay a fair tax amount. So, while as you can appreciate, we love believing in impossible things, peace in the Middle East is really just one unicorn too many for us. Do you know if he’s approached Bloomberg? I mean that guy could just buy Jordan and give everyone some more elbow room.”
