Israelis, Palestinians Agree: Not Enough People Have Died Yet to Make Peace Worthwhile

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History.  Religion.  Who makes better hummus.  These are just a few of the points disagreed upon by Israelis and Palestinians.  Like a Jaden Smith tweet that makes any sense, one could spend years combing through layers of nonsense for things Israelis and Palestinians agree on.  But, it seems that the world has just become aware of another one of these rare agreement-nuggets.  After intense peace talks taking place over the course of the last few weeks, Israeli and Palestinian leadership released a joint statement outlining their area of concurrence.

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While both sides agree that peace is desirable, they also agreed that not quite enough people have been claimed by the conflict to warrant fixing it just yet.  Just like the leaky sink in my apartment, it’s going to have to get a lot worse before I call a plumber to change out the water-charging belt mechanism (Ed. note: Danny Nash does not have any plumber training). “We, the Israeli and Palestinian delegations,” began the statement, “express our sincerest apologies to our respective peoples.  We just need more of you to die before we can go ahead and get this all done.  So prepare yourselves for that, however you see fit, and know that we totally tried our hardest.”

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