Bored with flaccid Hollywood, Caitlyn Jenner has fled the glam life for a cause beyond trans equality.
According to sources close to the Kardashian clan, Kris Jenner was stunned to hear the news about her ex-hubby. “What the Fallujah are you talking about? Yazidis? I just saw Bruce. Cait. Three days ago in Tiffany’s on Rodeo Drive.”
The 65-year-old former Olympian and Kardashian tribal leader arrived at an undisclosed military base on Mount Sinjar in northern Iraq to hook up with Kurdish forces. The transgender icon spoke briefly on the red carpet with The Mideast Beast.
TMB: “Cait. Who are you wearing?”
CJ: “I’m wearing a desert battle camouflage print wrap dress by Uncle Sam. Open-toe combats designed by Manolo Blahnik.”
TMB: “Dating anybody?”
CJ: “No, but I’m open to meeting new people. Wouldn’t mind having a young hunky Kurdish Peshmerga fighter between my gold-medal winning thighs. The thought of it leaves this cougar breathless.”
TMB: “What if captured by ISIS?”
CJ: “Forget wearing a burqa. Kill me first. I’m not putting a tent over this body.
TMB: “Do you miss it?”
CJ: “It? As in IT? Yes, but I don’t worry about shrinkage when I get out of the pool.”
TMB: “Any regrets?”
CJ: “Not keeping that form-fitting white Atelier Versace gown I wore at the ESPYs.”
TMB: “Final thoughts?”
CJ: “The Kurds and Yazidis are fighting for their lives. For survival. Those bitches are heroes. Not me. What I did? Didn’t take courage. It only took balls.”
Don’t miss TMB’s Roger Pumper’s special report, “Saudi Government Torn Over Whether to Let Caitlyn Jenner Drive”