Hamas Bans Plastic Bags

Not to be outdone by their North African counterparts, Hamas has declared a ban on plastic bags in the Gaza Strip.

“We believe that this activism in the Gaza strip will help to alleviate the environmental impact of 70 years of burning tires and corn fields in occupied Palestine. We follow in the footsteps of the world leaders who made environmental protection a priority; Mahatma Gandhi, Theodore Roosevelt, Hermann Göring. You know all the greats.”

A representative from the United Nations Environmental Program told reporters, “The ingenuity of the Palestinian peoples knows no bounds. This move cements their dedication to helping all the oppressed peoples of the world. We are extending an invitation to Hamas to help spread awareness that the use of plastics is a form of environmental terrorism.”

In addition to the plastic bag ban, Hamas also announced it would only be using organic fertilizer in its Qassam rockets and only torture Palestinian dissidents with solar-powered, recyclable batteries.