“Fifty Shades of Jihad”: Al Qaeda Releases New Battle Manual at Book Launch

In an attempt to regain some of the attention which has dissipated to ISIS in recent years, Al Qaeda is set to publish a provocatively titled new fighting manual and will be hosting their first book launch next week.

Entitled “Fifty Shades of Jihad”, the manual is marketed as a “guide for both the expert and the uninitiated in the world of radical Islamism” and is said to “encompass all the intricate and often sensual facets of Quranic-inspired terrorism”. A key selling point of the book, and anticipated to be of particular interest to keen younger readers, is a racy epilogue which graphically describes the various sexual encounters a martyr will experience when he meets his 72 virgins.

Al Qaeda Chief and author of the manual, Ayman al-Zawahiri, is going to be signing copies in a number of bookstores in Islamabad next week before moving on to New York’s Barnes and Nobles in a month’s time.

“Fifty Shades of Jihad” can be bought in all good bookstores and downloaded on Kindle. Purchasers inclusion on a CIA watch list is a free bonus, and each will be included in a draw for a personalised drone strike.