COVID-19 Offered Chairmanship of OPEC Due to Central Role in Reduction of Oil Demand

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The respiratory coronavirus disease. COVID-19, is to be offered the Chair of OPEC in recognition of its pivotal role in reducing oil demand. A spokesman for the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries commented, “This is very much a situation where it’s better to get them pissing outside the tent rather than pissing in. This diligent new virus has pretty much done for oil in three months what the green movement has been bitching on about for three decades. You’ve got to respect a doer.”

A spokesman for the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia added, “We understand that President Trump has already claimed credit for the latest deal. Sure, why not, give his son-in-law a gold star too. Everyone loves a participation medal…but let’s be clear, internally we are in awe of COVID-19. Seriously, no one’s had this impact on oil prices since Saddam decided he wanted more beachfront property back in ’90.”

The Kremlin released a short statement declaring, “We thank COVID-19 for its input in this matter, but let’s all remember that whilst there may be a vaccine for it this autumn, there’s still no cure for a bullet to the head. So, don’t get too cocky.”

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