After refusing to receive medicine to fight the coronavirus from both the US and from Sweden, Iran’s Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei explained to The Mideast Beast why he believes the two nations are in cahoots.
“Look at the world right now”, said Khamenei, “the streets are empty everywhere. Everything is closed. No cars, no shops, no souks, no nothing. Broadway? Curtains are down. Disney World? Dead as Baghdadi. Even the streets of occupied Palestine are empty! Well, except for Tel Aviv where a bunch of liberal Khazars are lounging at the beach. Covidiots!”
“I’ll tell you why this happened”, continued Khamenei, “It’s because of those two icky non-males who have crazy eyes and bleed once a month, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and some Swedish temper-tantrum obsessed with weather reports, Greta Thunderberger or something. Neither of them comes across as the sharpest sword in an execution, but it’s all an act! They’re sociopaths in progressive makeup who should have been the first to be wrapped in black niqabs and dumped, ayatollah-style, into Evin Prison quarantine. It was those two who manufactured Covid-19 to get the world to shut down to stop climate change! This is why it didn’t work when I told Iranians to go and lick the holy sites in Qom as a precaution against Covid-19 – you know, like eating garlic to scare off vampires – because the virus was woman-made!”
AOC could not be reached for comment, but Thunberg spoke briefly to The Mideast Beast about Khamenei’s accusations: “He is all wrong! I shouldn’t be on the phone with The Mideast Beast! I should be back in school. Yet you all come to me for a comment? You want a fucking comment? How’s this? ‘How dare you. You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words’. Okay, I borrowed that from a past speech, but it works like a charm, every time.”