Willy Johnson

Willy’s inspiration for writing stems for his anger at Sacha Baron-Cohen having stolen his joke about hummus sounding like Hamas.

Born in London to the last couple in the city ever to see the sun, he attended a school where you wear a strange uniform and have to reassure people that showering after gym class was not an intimidating process. He smoked cannabis in hale, rain, and snow, but managed to get great grades due to intensive study of The Complete Works of Dr. 2Pac Amaru Shakur MCSE MD PHD RUNDMC R&B.

A graduate of Cockermouth College at the University of Coxford, he has written for several different publications before arriving at The Mideast Beast. He is currently working on a history of dyslexic Israeli-Palestinian negotiators entitled ‘Piece Process’.

In his spare time, he chastises Americans for choosing to pronounce the word yoghurt as ‘yo-gurt’ instead of ‘bro-gurt’.

 

Al Gore: If I’d Won the Presidency, ISIS Would Be World’s Most Eco-Friendly Terror Group
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Al Gore: If I’d Won the Presidency, ISIS Would Be World’s Most Eco-Friendly Terror Group

Climate change activist and former U.S. Vice President Al Gore has suggested that ISIS and other terrorist organizations would have been far more environmentally friendly had he been elected president. In a wide-ranging interview with The Mideast Beast, Gore argued that the territories currently ruled by ISIS would be running on a “combination of chinchilla faeces and banana skins” had...

Germany Pressures Israel to Sue Egypt for Slavery Reparations
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Germany Pressures Israel to Sue Egypt for Slavery Reparations

German chancellor Angela Merkel has been mounting pressure on Israel to take the Egyptian government to court over its historical enslavement of the Jewish people and sue for reparations. Speaking from Berlin, Merkel said, “The time has come. We’re experts over here at paying for Germany’s occasional errors so we feel it’s only right that Israel follows our lead.” Outlining ideas...

Rumors Abound Netanyahu to Retire and Enter Child-Wear Market Following Failed America Visit
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Rumors Abound Netanyahu to Retire and Enter Child-Wear Market Following Failed America Visit

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has revealed that following on from his attempt to persuade America he was a nice guy last week, he plans to retire forthwith and enter the fashion world with a collection of children’s wear tentatively titled ‘Bibi Bibs’. Discussing his reasons for the planned career change, a glowing Netanyahu explained ‘Bibi Bibs’ origins in depth....

BBC Appoints Director of Bias for Middle East to Ensure Imbalance Remains in Israel-Palestine Coverage
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BBC Appoints Director of Bias for Middle East to Ensure Imbalance Remains in Israel-Palestine Coverage

The BBC announced today its appointment of their World Affairs editor Mahmoud Shabbas as their new Director of Bias in Israel and Palestine, citing the questions emerging over recent signs of impartiality at the broadcasting company. The appointment stems in part from a recent report filed by BBC Middle East editor Jeremy Bowen, which featured 2.5 minutes covering Palestinian issues...