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After Seeing Israel’s New Coalition, Assad ‘Totally Down’ with Unity Government

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In a rare interview, Syria’s President Bashar al-Assad told The Mideast Beast (TMB) that he was greatly influenced by the latest developments in Israeli politics. Assad said that after hearing about the formation of a unity coalition “I was mind fucked. This is so brilliant. I am totally down to end the civil war and establish a unity government like the Zionist have.”

The Syrian autocrat said that he would be willing to have each faction designate a “Benny Gantz-like leader,” to join the government. “If the leaders of the Free Syrian Army, Jabhat al-Nusra, ISIS, or any other rival faction want to become prime minister-designate, please, be my guest.” Assad added that he would maintain a veto on appointments to ministerial positions that hold any real power, “like Bibi and the courts,” he explained.

Assad said that a unity government can bring an end to the civil war, which has killed half a million people and led to the century’s largest refugee crisis. “This way we end the war and establish a government with immense power, and no opposition. As much as I have to hate the Jews, you have to appreciate the Jewish mind. This dirty Netanyahu trick. It’s bloody brilliant.”

Sources close to Assad said that he just found out about Israel’s latest government last night and will immediately proceed with efforts to form a similar unity government in Syria. When asked why it took him over a week to hear about Israel’s new governing coalition Assad said that “with all the elections those Jews have, who can keep track.”

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