To Trump’s Delight, Israel To Replace the U.S. In NATO

Sources have confirmed that Israel will apply for NATO membership later this week, “just to see the look on people’s faces.”

We caught up with the playful Zionist troublemaker, as it was preparing the documentation and sipping cocktails at its seaside retreat outside of Tel Aviv. Israel commented, “I’ve got to be honest, with this ceasefire holding with the Palestinians, I’m just looking for other outlets for my kooky sense of humor. And also, I really need to keep those guys and gals of the IDF fully occupied; the last thing I need is them getting all ‘Coup d’état’ on me.”

“I reckon if we can get all the signatures and bureaucracy hammered out this week, the 36th Armored Division can be in Germany by the summer holidays. From there it’s really just a quick road-march through Poland, and given the order, we can be in Moscow before the snow starts. Trust me we’ll be bringing extra warm socks; we’ve learnt from the man with the silly mustache”

NATO commented from its office in Brussels, “Fuck it, it can’t end any worse than when I started rumors that Ukraine was gonna join me.”