Erdogan Admits He Made Up Coup Story After Vandalizing Gas Station While Intoxicated

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Saying he was “110 percent sorry,” Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan admitted Thursday that he had fabricated his story about an alleged coup against his government after he drunkenly vandalized a gas station.

After a July 15 incident, Erdogan claimed that he and his government had been the victim of an attempted coup d’état, with the president narrowly avoiding an attempt by the perpetrators to harm or imprison him. The story soon unraveled, however, as it became apparent that the army was simply trying to recoup $30 for damages at a military-owned gas station restroom after a drunken Erdogan urinated behind the station and damaged a soap dispenser in the bathroom.

“I was coming from the Presidential Palace, I was highly intoxicated and I made immature allegations,” admitted a contrite Erdogan, referring to a Facetime interview with CNN Turk in which Erdogan claimed armed commandos had tried to kill him and were bent on overthrowing his government. “I just want to say to the military, to the Turkish people and to Fethullah Gulen, I am truly sorry.”

As of press time, the president had boarded a plane to Greece to avoid facing charges for filing a false police report.