Killing for Your God Totally Reasonable, According to Recent Study

© Conejota | Dreamstime.com - Charlie Hebdo Terrorism Attack Photo

In the wake of another heroic murderous onslaught by three totally brave and noble guys at the French satirical magazine, Charlie Hebdo, a new study has brought exciting new data to light. Killing on behalf of your beliefs is, in fact, totally cool. Not all religious people are extremists, but even those that are, are totally stand-up citizens, and we totally respect their life choices! And if you’re not currently killing on behalf of your God, you should totally examine the decisions you’ve made in your life, and maybe think of nipping down to the local Church, Mosque and/or Synagogue with a rifle and a duffle bag full of hate.

Blasphemy is like, the worst crime, and journalists, cartoonists, and even poets should totally be held accountable for any hurt feelings they might cause against any religion! Murder is a totally reasonable and appropriate punishment, and definitely is not the sign of deranged fanaticism! You should totally be able to just straight up murder anyone that insults your personal religious beliefs – what kind of world would it be if people could just, like, speak their minds without fear of physical retaliation? We can’t even think about it without curling up and crying in the fetal position!

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The attackers of Charlie Hebdo are super brave, and we applaud their initiative! Real go-getters, truly courageous human beings! We should just forget the whole ‘freedom of speech’ and ‘freedom of press’ bullshit. After all, you can’t spell “Infidels must repent for their sins” without ‘freedom!’

Je suis Charlie.

I am Charlie.

We are all Charlie.