Archaeologists have used satellite imaging to discover an ancient structure buried near the historic city of Petra in Jordan, you know, the site in Indiana jones and the Last Crusade.
“This find is incredible!” exclaimed archaeologist Dr. Lucy Peatbog. “This discovery gives us a better sense of how civilizations in this area lived thousands of years ago. What’s next? We discover Atlantis, Xanadu, maybe those Clinton emails? With this tech, I’d believe it.”
But ancient history fans aren’t the only people thrilled by the find. ISIS has now expressed interest in a visit to Petra to see the new excavations.
“What a great find for ISIS,” exclaimed leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. “We love ancient sites. Well, more accurately, we love to destroy them. Churches, Assyrian statues, cultural heritage sites, bits of painted Styrofoam left over from the filming of Stargate, you name it! Blowing up historical ruins is our second favorite activity, just behind removing people’s melons. Sometimes we do a combo, like the time we filmed ourselves beheading that old guy in Palmyra, he just wouldn’t shut up about how important it all was. Honestly, we expected nothing less when the media focused on what we blew up rather than on what we did to the professor. That was a great marketing boost for us.”
“We’ve heard it’s possible the original residents of Petra performed human sacrifices at this site. Horrific! Thank Allah that we are here to make the world a better place.”