EL AL to Offer Corona and Non-Corona Seating

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Israel’s national airline, EL AL, is set to be the first airline to offer Corona and Non-Coronavirus seating, in a marketing move that is looking revive its sales following the Coronavirus outbreak. The airline industry is struggling to deal with the outbreak of the Coronavirus that has made hurtling through the air in a pressurized tube with 250 other filthy people even less desirable than it was before. EL AL in particular is struggling as Israel is the first and only country that has warned all of her citizens to travel only when absolutely necessary.

People who travel EL AL will now be able to pay more to pick seating in parts of the plane where the flight crew are guaranteed to definitely not have the Coronavirus, and where the food is hermetically sealed. For physical safety, the cabin will be defended from the rest of the unwashed masses on the plane by an underpaid mall cop carrying a tranquilizer gun. In addition, travel arrangements will be provided to and from Ben Gurion International Airport by private taxi driven by a man who hasn’t bathed since the Six Day War in 1967.

An EL AL spokesperson told The Mideast Beast that customers could still pay the regular fare to sit in economy class and would still receive the same level of disdain that they’d come to know and love from EL AL. He also told us that they were striving to give their customers the best service that you can expect from an Israeli company, and providing travel arrangements suited to current international conditions in accordance with EL AL’s corporate motto: Treat everyone like they owe you money.

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