In what has been described as a daring PR stunt, women fighters in Syrian Kurdistan have produced a 15-minute pornographic video of an alien-themed Sapphic six-way.
“We simply weren’t getting appropriate media attention by combating ISIS through a historical tradition of disciplined military training,” said Berdil Baran, a lieutenant of the Women’s Protection Unit (YPJ) in an interview. “Really, we’re here to fulfill men’s fantasies of domination and surveillance. Destroying ISIS was just a ruse to get the attention of the Pentagon, which we all know exists as a massive compensation for widespread male sexual insecurity in America.
The YPJ was not living up to its full potential as an organized and competent military unit that sought to secure Kurdish autonomy and security—many American political leaders were hesitant to voice their support.
“Yeah, young bitches with guns,” commented Roy Moore of Alabama. “I mean, it’s hot I guess, but nothing I’d go to the local mall for.”
“Empowered, multidimensional women are a total turn-off,” confirmed Pornhub Vice President of Product Brett Hall. “It’s a losing formula.”
However, a recent Gallup poll shows that members of the American legislature on both sides of the aisle find the YPJ soldiers at least 50% sexier after the release of Pillow Fight on Uranus.
“Before, we were limited to CNN taking photos of us in our sleep. Now, the world is our oyster,” marveled Baran, shedding a tear.
*Updated for #ThrowbackThursday, 24 June 2020
