Wally Wagstaff

Wally Wagstaff attended Moonman University until he realized he was actually in a religious cult. Wally began herding cattle at the age of 25, fulfilling his lifelong dream to heard cattle by the age of 25. With that goal reached, at the age of 26 Wally became a standup comedian thus fulfilling another lifelong dream to not produce anything of value for the rest of the world.

Wally does not believe in politics. Not in the way a person doesn’t believe in abortion or the opposite of abortion but rather in the way a person wouldn’t believe in Santa Claus, militantly and against all evidence to the contrary. When people ask Wally for whom he will vote, he callously replies, “Open your eyes idiot, can’t you see it’s all a lie!?”, the way one might speak to a child who still believes in the fat, bearded man.


Trump Appeals to the Religious Right by Claiming to be Jesus
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Trump Appeals to the Religious Right by Claiming to be Jesus

TRUMP TOWER, NYC — Donald Trump had been making conservative Christians very uneasy. The religious right, who historically have supported Republican presidents, have found it difficult to politically back someone as liberal as Donald Trump. Struggling to find “a relationship with Christ“, and thus a way to connect to Christians, Trump apparently found the solution: he announced yesterday that he is, in...